Hello 2016!

Farewell 2015. You were a hard year. I was pregnant for most of it. And although pregnancy is fun, I still can't get around the fact that I had surgery during that time. Also the smell of the living room was unbearable. At times I have hints of the smell and I'm reminded of how much my stomach cringed and how I wanted to puke. I can't believe I taught at the homeschool. What did I learn from that experience? Man, that was rough some days. When there were fits and I had to take away game time or TV time, when I had to run around the yard playing some sort of tag... Always tag...., when all I wanted to do was sleep in or even crawl over to Miss Pat's couch during break time and just take a nap. I didn't mean to zonk out those last five minutes during Paw Patrol, but I was so tired!!! I can't believe the church camp we had this year. Nuts! I mean... There's really no talking about it because I think we're still questioning "What happened?" And, did we do something wrong??? Weird year 2015. But - I have a baby girl. She is beautiful. She is remarkable. She's my daughter. She brings this family joy and more. Let's see what happens this next year - hello 2016! It took ya long enough.
Here's to the constant changing and maturing of my mind, the success we have after a tough battle and the grace God gives us to make it through, and to living purposefully. I expect so much out of 2016... Really I do. Because it's good to have goals, and expectations... (Is this cheesy, having a New Years Resolution?)...

1. I expect to read again. And to pray again. I, in my heart of hearts, believe I am quick to turn to God. And I always want to. In my feelings I know that I'm lost without Him, so I'm eager to read and to pray, to hear His voice in the stillness, and to make a difference. This next year, my guess is, will be slightly easier because Mila will be on a schedule (taking naps, etc.) and will be able to entertain herself for a bit longer OR at least I'll know how to manage my time.
2. I expect that we'll have a better time saving and spending, and more fun hanging out with others because we won't be worried about the money being within budget. This past month we watched Financial Peace again. I realized, it's almost as if we missed the main points the first time around, including the bit on SAVING. How'd that happen?! Somehow all my attention was focused on making the budget and sticking to the budget. And in the middle of all the paperwork I forgot to put "savings" in the budget. First. Duhhhhhh.... So, all in all, spending in cash, getting rid of debt, and saving! Taking command and managing this money like a boss.
3. And, I know sometimes it appears "boring", but I expect to have goals again. Lists. A schedule. A focus. An organized life. Starting with the home - cooking, cleaning, budgets... And moving to outside of the home - future planning (furniture and vacation), fun family dates or crafts, planning to be social more. I believe an organized life is Biblical. So what if I like lists.

Today we'll be spending New Years Eve in. Just us. Ahhhh... Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with friends, but there really is "no place like home." And we have a fantastic one.

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Some updates:
- We had a going away party last night for Mitzy. She's moving to Tennessee.
- Selene and Justin are pregnant. We found out at Thanksgiving.
- Maecy and Juan plan on moving in when their lease is up (in August).
- Mom's making her plans for her tiny one-room house, but in the meantime re-doing the back room.

Some thoughts:
- New mothers never have clean shoulders. Best to wear a sweater or scarf for cover.
- Will Mila be a hairstylist? Or like her hair played with? She sure likes grabbing mine. On the neck.
- I miss Mila's hair doing this small stick-up wave. It is sad when it lays down.
- Feet are curious things. Mila's especially. She likes to grab them now.
- And I like when, while she's nursing, she scrunches up her leg and places her foot on me. It's cute.
- Luke is Mila's hero. She thinks he's funny and only looks when HE says her name.
- Questions... When do babies start sitting up? Am I supposed to prop her or train her in a bumbo seat or something? You can help her now. Change positions to strengthen her muscles. Mila sticks her tongue to the inside of her bottom lip funny, is she teething? Is something wrong with that skin in the inside of her mouth? Is she just weird? What if she's not interested in the baby food that I give her? Do breastfed babies have a harder time learning how to eat from a spoon? By 6 months, baby could be ready for food. So don't worry if she's not doing it now - she's early. Drooling, chewing on everything, irritability, trouble sleeping, grabbing ears, and bulging gums are all signs of an incoming tooth.

Christmas Traditions

What a beautiful Christmas. Probably one of my top favorites in recent years.

I think a lot of the time we remember what it was like during our childhood and wish for our Christmas futures to turn out somewhat the same. We want our kids to have the same memories that filled us with so much joy and family tradition.
At my Grammy and Grandad's house we always ate some meal together (except my little family of Mom, me and Maecy was always late), took pictures on the stairs with all the generations - after having to explain to the elders how to operate the camera or figure out the timer, opened presents in the living room (kids on the hideously green shag carpet), and the rest of the day playing card games at the dining room table or play with our new toys and gadgets. As a young kid all I ever wanted to do was sit at the adult table to eat and hear the big, adult conversations and play "Up and Down the River".
Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's was probably more like how other cultures imagine an American Christmas. We would sit down at the long table and pass around the meal, scooping our portions onto our plate. The children only talked when the adults asked questions. Afterward we would go in the living room and open presents all at once. The room was filled with Christmas decorations, but the best of all was the Christmas tree. It's the most breakable and most beautiful Christmas tree I've ever seen in my life. All white ornaments and lights. No games or anything, but there was a table covered in every delicious desert in the dining room. Sometimes prior Christmas we would spend an entire day making povatisa bread at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Another favorite thing - and you can count on it being the best since my family spent years improving the recipe and found the best way to get it done. Kind of like Aldo's family knows how to make tamales the best way. And last, in your stocking, you would always find an ornament, hand-picked by Grandma, especially for you. Mine was a Precious Moments ornament. Always.

From what I've heard, Aldo's Christmas with his family has always been a bit different. Different culture, different traditions. Aldo's mom would make a red soup with cow's stomach called pasole. (Sorry, I can't tell you if that's the correct spelling.) They would spend all day Christmas Eve  playing games and singing karaoke, maybe even dancing, waiting to open gifts at midnight. And they open gifts one at a time.

In past years we've figured out our schedule as a young couple... Christmas Eve at his family's, Christmas at mine, and New Year's at Aunt Dolores' because my Grandma and Grandpa don't always have Christmas at their house any more. With a child and making side dishes or even the main dish, it's difficult to go to every Christmas celebration. Rather than spending a few quick hours everywhere and feeling rushed and overwhelmed, we would rather spend a good long time hanging out, making memories and unfortuneatley missing out on another. This year we had a new baby though. Two kids. Our little family is growing. It's about time we came up with our own Christmas traditions for our kids. I looked some up and a lot of them we already do. Christmas meals. Open a gift at midnight. Pictures by the Christmas tree. But none of them stand out for us. There were some things I liked but they're not Christmas morning per se: see Christmas lights, watch Christmas movies, gingerbread houses (we do this already), first present of new pajamas (we have a friend that does this and I'm not a copycat), adopt a family, go to Christmas morning church service (already do), etc. So what should our family do???
WE NOW HOLD A CHRISTMAS PRESENT TREASURE HUNT. Rather than waking up and tearing the wrapping off of all our gifts and then feeling remorseful all day, we've figured out a way to draw out the excitement a little bit.

I'll tell it from the beginning. This year Aldo was off three days in a row. I've learned that it's easier to start Christmas shopping in September and buy online and have things shipped straight to my door than going out, traveling all over the city looking for that one thing... So I definitely did that again this year. Had everything under the tree and wrapped (except the couple from Santa) by the weekend. Wednesday could have been a stay-at-home and bum day, but we hadn't spent any time with our friends. I think they were feeling neglected, so we went to the movies Wednesday morning. Mila's first movie theater showing was "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens". A big deal this year. It was kind of perfect because our son's name is Luke and I always kidded that we should name our daughter Leia. But we're not big, big fans so that would have been silly. Mila slept for a good portion. And then watched intensely the second portion. Never thought this day would come, but I breastfed in public. In a public place. Not in a car. Or in a back room. However, it was dark and loud. Nobody could really be interrupted by her and I wouldn't get rude glares. It wasn't until the last 30 minutes (we were there over two hours) that Aldo and I had to stand up with her and walk around near the exit to keep her from crying, where she fell asleep again. Afterward, we went back to their house and played "Up and Down the River". Yes, my craving for the game of the old days had been satisfied. And I won! (I kept score. I forever hold to the theory that "scorekeeper always wins".) We didn't intend on it, but we stayed until dark.

Thursday was Christmas Eve. Since Lily missed out on Thanksgiving this year, no pasole, but turkey again for the celebration. I can't recall what we did all morning, but before we left in the afternoon Aldo made potatoes and we headed over at 2:30 pm to play games until midnight. Everyone must have been a little "off". We found out that Alex already received the gift we got him, so we stopped at Walmart just in time before closing. Lily had to work extra hours. Veronica had to last minute take her kids to another Christmas. Aldo had to pick up his dad and then get turkey gravy from somewhere that was still open. Mitzy just decided they weren't coming until later I guess. Like usual, dinner wasn't until later. But much later. I don't think we ate until 10 o'clock hit. Cold food, but still not bad. We bought the game "Pit" for the Alvidrez/Hernandez house. They're a people that like their fast-paced, loud, schemish games... So it was a perfect choice. We didn't play until 10:30ish. And I could've been disappointed in their lack of involvement, and lack of loudness, but I wasn't - everyone was just tired. Instead of midnight, we opened gifts at 11:00. One at a time. So a lot of tradition was set aside.......... And I kind of missed it. But........ I decided days before - sometimes I get aggravated at the lack of games at my mom's Christmas, the lack of planning at Aldo's family's Christmas, and I hate to admit this, but the same present I got the year before (lotion or something). I decided I wasn't going to be a Scrooge. I wasn't going to be disappointed. I wasn't going to be depressed. I was going to embrace Christmas. Because days before I was reminded that America is the richest nation. And that when you compare the $11/hour our lower class makes to the $3/day some people in Mexico make to the other nations that don't have clean water or a carpeted floor or a cushioned bed, we are a rich country. I decided there is more to life than not getting to play the game you want and instead listening to the most boring conversation of rental houses and the improvements they need. There is more than not starting the day at the exact time you want. There is more than a $20 gift card you want. I would be happy and embrace the Christmas and the people I get to spend it with. Now, looking back, much of the Christmas Eve was spent looking at family albums. Reminiscing. Awwww...

Christmas morning Aldo went to church service and let the rest of us sleep in. Thanks, babe! Our plan was to have a relaxing morning alone with our own family, but instead, when he got back, we went over to Granddad's for a breakfast that Granddad decided to have last minute. We got home and did our "Christmas present treasure hunt".... Our new family tradition!, helped mom clean the upstairs, made our side of salad, and waited. Waited. Waited. For the rest of the family to arrive to open presents under the tree.

Family traditions.
I can't say it enough. You expect certain things. And when something doesn't meet that expectation it could throw off your whole day. I think that's the theme of my Christmas this year: letting go of my Christmas expectations. And I'll tell you, it could have been a disaster. Awkwardly, we were opening Christmas gifts for ourselves as strangers and family who didn't have gifts were arriving and watching. How do you make it look like it's not about the gifts, when it truly is not about the gifts to you, but it seems that it is about the gifts because people are there while you alone are opening gifts? And you just look like spoiled brats? And you're also trying to go quickly, only to get it over with so it isn't awkward anymore. But instead it looks like you're looking for that one gift you want and are unhappy with anything prior, and a selfish, greedy person because you aren't thanking anyone. !!! It was so difficult for me. I do not know who gave Luke some of his gifts because he went through them so fast, because I was trying to go through mine, and get Mila to stop crying. Another thought: You just can't please everybody. No matter hard you try (I am talking in any situation; not just the holidays) there will always be that one person that judges you. That looks at you and makes you feel like crud. But they are only looking at what they see. And they don't know you're heart, and they don't know the back story. They may call you "spoiled" and "wanting all the attention", but that is just simply not true. So don't become offended when you're called names, because they don't know what you've experienced in the past, even the past five minutes. They're sticking their foot in their mouths. But the next lesson is this: Don't become them. Don't judge others. Be kind. You don't know their story and what they're currently going through. And as I write this - isn't that the plot of Christmas with the Kranks?

We finally got into the other room to eat our Christmas meal. Turkey again. I sat at the kids table with Luke, Jenna and Aldo. The food wasn't half bad, even Granddad's runny green bean casserole (because he didn't drain the beans). After, I taught Maecy, Juan and Jenna how to play "Up and Down the River". Aldo played chess with Jerad. The old people played dominoes. Then, all the people played "Up and Down the River". (Granddad won. The scorekeeper.) Then everyone left and Jerad arrived back. So we played Split. Then a fishing dice game.

I guess when you let go of expectations... When you don't have any expectations, all expectations are met. You embrace Christmas. And a little "Up and Down the River" helps too.

Through the Camera Lens

Luke is about to get his first Christmas letter from the North Pole.

The other day - and I've thought about this a lot lately - I was thinking about when I'm recording things on my phone, or when I'm taking pictures... Sure, I've captured the moment, but did I get to experience the moment to its fullest potential, because I was taking the picture/video... Do I want to experience life through a lens or do I want to just experience life? Do I want to worry about lighting and angle and how weird I sound in the background, or do I just want to make a lasting memory? And it be one of those things I hold onto and share with just the other person(s) involved, and sometimes (because our memories aren't so good), the memory changes and evolves. "One year it snowed and I also walked to school" becomes "in my day I walked to and from school in five feet of snow up hill both ways..." That's obviously not true and an exaggeration. But my point is this.... Do I record this moment of Luke opening his card? And share it? Or is this one I keep for myself? I am his mother after all.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Minus the snow that is. Luke and I finally finished decorating the duct-taped Christmas tree we've had for forever. My M&M lights still around it. Luke made a sparkly pine cone somewhere and wanted it to be at the top where a star or angel would go... We don't have either one of those so the pine cone was fine with me. We decided we wanted a delicious tree after making our gingerbread house at the library, so Luke strategically placed candy canes around the tree (a big patch in front, not any on the bottom row or on the sides or backside) and today we strung popcorn (a measily string of popcorn because Mommy kept poking herself with the sewing needle, Mila was crying, and Luke wanted a snack). Poor tree is pitiful this year. Last year I think something happened and so there's red duct tape keeping it together, but it leans to the side. All things considered, I think we're anything but Scrooge's and Grinch's this year. So excited for family to open their gifts. From me... From Santa... The real one. (Luke told me no pictures at Cabela's this year... He's not the real Santa. So we wrote a letter to the real one and slipped it in the library's North Pole Express Mail. Luke's been good "300 days and wants a 'chransformer', Mila was good 3 days and wants a golden dress and a 'dipr'." We're waiting on our reply. But I do know Luke got an Optimus Prime and Mila got her diaper... Along with some other things.) I look forward to Christmas. There's nothing like planning out a really awesome gift or tying them together with some sort of theme. Tomorrow we'll be finishing off our shopping list. I'm excited. Have I said that enough? I'm excited! Somehow, it always works out, that we get to spend a little extra at this time of year and spoil each other. This time it's because I got a check back from Luke's ex-doctor because I overpaid for a bill in 2013. Seriously? Awesome!!

Yesterday Luke was in his first Christmas play. His part was one of the kids in the classroom. He had a few lines he shared with the other kids... "FRANKENSTEIN?!".... No. Frankincense. And he also sang "Joy to the World" in the microphone. The rest of the time he kind of stood there moving his lips and didn't do the movements too big. I think he got a little stage fright. But I was proud of him.

 

Daddy & Son Gingerbread House

Christmas Play @ CenterPointe (with friend, Ember Cubbage)

Today Mila is officially 18 weeks old. Doesn't sound like much, but I looked it up and there are a lot of big achievements in four months.

- She rolled over. I mean really rolled. One minute I had her on the blanket on her back, and the next minute she was in Luke's stuff a couple feet over. So now she can go from back to front (which she's been doing) and front to back, mostly in one direction though. I'll have to test that out.

- She recognizes Grammy's face, and Luke's face, and now (finally!) Daddy's face. She actually smiled at Daddy tonight. Outside I didn't make a big deal, but inside I was ecstatic! Finally! Finally! Finally! Is she a Daddy's girl? I know it would mean the world to him. And melt his heart. 

- Here's something I just read:

At this age, your baby is sleeping less, and she's awake for longer periods of the day. She's anxious to learn about her world and family, and she may not always be interested in your choice of game. If she turns her head and looks away, she's declaring she's ready to move on to something else. At only 11 weeks, she's got ideas of her own!

That's Mila for sure! Never wants to nap. Wants held, wants a toy, wants my food, wants to sit, wants my drink, wants to sit further, wants to play with her feet, wants her diaper changed after piddle... *sigh* ... Girl just knows what she wants.
- I also read that she now understands that when I'm talking I'm speaking in syllables. Whoa, right?! And so the process of learning the language and sounds, constants and vowels begins.
- She ate some cereal. Did alright. She's more impressed with the flavor of lemonade, and refried beans, and Panera's broccoli cheddar soup. A tooth isn't too far off, but I haven't seen any signs of one yet.

More to come…

Poodles

You know... Whenever I'm driving around, or in the shower, or have a moment to think freely (meaning I'm not putting together a subconscious check-list or to-dos, etc.), I think of blog titles. That and funny Facebook posts (that I never add because someone will take them the wrong way). So "Poodles". Why? Because I always thought they were a sassy dog. It might be because that's how they're portrayed... In movies wearing the big, pink bows and speaking in Parisian accents. Foo-fooey. So Mila got this hot pink stuffed poodle for her dedication - we call her Fifi. It's one of her favorites. I don't know why - I never liked poodles. It could be the curly hair on the top of her head. Or that she is an ELECTRIC PINK. Or that I make kissy sounds for her. But Mila loves her. And I never wanted poodle anything. They're just not my style. So when we were given bags upon bags of baby clothes, I didn't really want to keep the poodle-y onesies, or even the ballerina onesies. But I did. Because they fit and they were warm. One day I was explaining how Mila loves her doggie princess when Dad mentioned he used to have poodles. What?! How did I not know this?! Apparently my dad had poodles when he was younger. I then realized - I don't know a lot of things. I can't tell you my dad's job description. I can tell you that my grandpa is a first generation American, but I can't tell you where his parents immigrated from. I can tell you that one of my family members drove into a cow, but I can't tell you who. I can tell you about my Granddad falling in love with a snot-nosed (literally) little girl next door, which happened to be my Grammy. But I realize that there are a lot of stories I just don't know. And that's what I would like to keep track of in these blog books. Something to pass on to the generations. Right now I guess it just looks like I'm passing on crazy genes, but maybe a story or two will make it on a page.

Ballerina Mila

Now for the update:

Mila is exploring her facial expressions. Right now we are developing "The Pout". The other day Aldo coughed and she cried bloody murder. For a cough! It looked like someone pinched  her finger in the clippers type of crying. Broken heart crying. It was just pitiful. So Momma flew in to the rescue. And afterwards, she donned "the pout". It's a cross between a model pout and an upset face pout. Her bottom lip sticks out and the top one disappears. Lately she hasn't smiled, or talked, or furrowed her eyebrows, or anything like that to anyone who has held her. It's an indifferent look. The Pout. You know, it would be my child that would develop this facial expression. That and the "Eye Roll". Anyway, she  also has found her tongue. I can't really explain it, I have no idea what she's trying to do. It looks like she's making s fish face and then sticks out her tongue and sucks it back in, like she's tasting an itch on her lips. Weirdo. Must be inherited from Daddy.

Went to the doctor last week. We've actually been in and out of the doctor with ear infections, but this one was just the 4-month check-up. We can begin feeding her baby cereal. Start off soupy by adding breastmilk and slowly make it like the oatmeal we know. I don't remember this milestone with Luke. I just remember giving him peaches right away. Oops.

She's rolled over 5 times.

Mom watched her and Luke last night while Aldo and I went to his Christmas party for work. From what mom said, it sounded like Mila was good up until she realized I wasn't there. And then cried for the remaining time of the 3 total hours. There was no consoling her. And it was kind of funny when I came home... I took her into my arms and shushed her for a few seconds, and then plopped her on my bed where she was absolutely fine. Cooing like nothing happened.
... She's attached. I've known this, but now they see how attached she is. Now they see why it's so hard for me to go anywhere or get things done at home. She is a Momma's Girl. And I am the lucky Momma. For real, lucky Momma because I can't imagine her not being her. My beautiful Mila.

Oh! And the sleeping schedule that I didn't know when I went in for the last check up. Mila goes to sleep around 10-11:00. She sleep til about 8:00 (waking up briefly 1-3 times throughout the night). So that's a 9-10 hour sleep. She is awake for good at 10:00 am. We play, we shower, we do Tummy Time. We do the basic eat and get changed. This is her really awake time. She'll fall asleep somewhere in there but not for long. So I play with her more until she wears out. And from 2-4:00 pm she's sleeping again. When Luke gets home she's awake. I'd want to be awake for brother too. He's so interesting. She sleeps one more time for a short period around 8ish. I think her longest sleeping period during the day is about 2 hours at a time.

No updates for Luke or us, except that we're going through Financial Peace again. It's like we missed all the major things from the first class. So we're on a new budget trying to pay off this silly medical debt and car loan, trying to save for the future. We're thinking of you kids! Always thinking of you. Love you!

Stay-at-Home-Mom vs. The World

I could literally cry right now. Or throw something. Or scream in my pillow. And then cry. But I contain a lot of my feelings when I'm overwhelmed. Or mad. I'll work backwards.

Today I'm upset because Granddad just walked in and the house is a disaster. I mean bad. Old food bowls out, couch in disarray, wrappers on the floor with toys and blankets and clothes, shoes blocking the doors and throughout the living room so you will most definitely trip over them, and diaper stench coming from the kitchen. Thank goodness he didn't go further in... to Luke's room, our room, laundry room, kitchen or bathrooms. (That's our whole house!) I'm passed embarrassed - I'm depressed really. All I can think is - I was raised better than this. But I have no help. And its not their fault, they're busy or tired or just too young to know what I expect. Not only that but Luke has had a cough and runny nose (thank you public school) and all day Mila has been crying where nothing helps (not feeding, not diaper change, not switching how she's held, not even being with me, Mommy) because she's sick now too. Honestly I feel like a single parent. But with an income. And then I have all these other duties: take care of the animals in the morning, do the newsletter, make a flyer for church, the family needs laundry, but don't forget to feed yourself. Take care of yourself, Erryn. Make sure you're drinking enough water and eating right. And having Erryn time. That's honest to goodness advice I just got the other day. Yeah, thanks. That helps. <sarcasm if you didn't catch that>

I am overwhelmed. My energy is GONE. I would say more, but then one might think I was being a "drama queen". Not true. I'm not being dramatic at all on this. Let's move on.

Yesterday, a lady told me that quote at the library. We were just catching up. She saw me with a baby and asked whose it was. Mine. She looks just like me... Ninkumpoop. (But I didn't say that.) Well, she's been studying nursing so now she knows everything there is to know about bodies and behavior.
Mess-up #1 - she told me to watch my child like she would swing back in a tantrum, like I wasn't holding her properly.
Mess-up #2 - she said I looked "tired"
Mess-up #3 - when I said "yes, I am... (Are you for real? Duh. I have a baby.) lack of sleep and I might be low on iron... I'm going to test out a few things and if it doesn't help, I'm  going to ask my doctor when I go in next" she offered more advice ... "Don't wait," she said.

And, you know what she said later.. (Stated above). Get some time to yourself.
The greatest mess-up is offering advice to a new mom when it isn't asked for. That means it's UNWELCOME. You don't know the background story. I was so nice in my responses... Dr. Phil, Oprah, Jerry Springer... They all would have been so proud of me. And on the way home, going through the conversation in my head, I remembered... I've been through this before. When people gave parenting and medical advice with Luke.

You want to help out? Carry the movies over to the check out and type in the number for me. Then carry the bags to the car. You say I shouldn't let people hold the baby because her immune system isn't fully developed... Don't offer to hold her then. Come to my house and vacuum. Bring over a meal. Offer a play date for my other kid. This isn't just a reminder to reader, whoever you are, but myself too. I AM NOT GOING TO BE THAT PERSON - THE ONE WITHOUT TACT. I'd rather be thoughtful and a real, true friend. Just saying.

As I was typing this out earlier, the word "abandoned" came to mind. I kind of feel that way. But I realize now, that's how the enemy wants me to think. The enemy wants me to throw in the towel and become bitter, etc. etc. etc. This is what it isn't - "stay-at-home-mom vs. the world". This is what it is - "stay-at-home-mom in a season and overcoming obstacles because she knows who's on her side and she knows the future GUARANTEED". Boom-shakalaka! (The answer is God. God is the answer. He's on my side.)

Dang, I'm awesome. Emotions are moot.

(I should probably add another "label" called Emotions. Or Venting. Here on out....)

P.S. And it made me so sad that this post is before Thanksgiving too. Lame. Let's get through this season, ok?

Warnings to Motherhood

"The Ones We Don't Think About"

Regarding my 3 Month Old:

• It's obvious breastfeeding was going to have an effect on my body, but I didn't realize everything it encompasses. So rather than repeat myself on "soreness/tenderness", "leaking", "engorgement", I'll start with something you wouldn't think of - scratches. Like pins and needles. My little one abuses me before bed. While she nurses, she hits and grabs, and it's always on my boob. And watch out if you didn't trim her nails because those things will catch on your skin and dig! I've come up with a solution... Let her hold your finger. After several repeat beatings I did this and was like - Uh-duh!
• Breastfeeding also causes fatigue. They really do suck the energy out of you. And so Yay! I just read you can eat more frequently and/or more calories. I was seriously questioning why I was eating so much, well there you have it.
• You don't have a period. Say what?! How did I not know this? I think we have failed as a society in not informing our children.
• She's more "attached" to me. She has slept longer with us in our bed than Luke. And she finds more comfort in me holding her than Aldo or Grammy. It's kind of sad. Kind of depressing... In another "Oh, gosh! I'm going to have to wean her" kind of way.

Regarding my 5 Year Old:

• He just told me the other day that he didn't want to go to Cabela's to see Santa because he's not the real Santa. Oh man! It starts... He told me there's only one real Santa and a lot of pretend Santa's. So this year we are writing the North Pole. Luke has asked for "all of the transformers he is missing". And for Mila he asked for a golden dress. I wonder what Santa's response will be. But more importantly, who brought this to his attention? I knew he would learn things from the school kids... It's either them or Grammy. And as a parent, how long before you let your child know the truth?
• Going along with that subject of things they learn at school, did you know they begin to talk to kids about "proper" and "improper touches", and also boys' and girls' body parts in Kindergarten. I was honestly kind of surprised. But at the same time, these are the kinds of things parents need to talk to their kids about - as protectors and guardians...

Well, now I'm on a solemn note. Parenting.

I was thinking about breastfeeding in public...

I don't know why it came to Aldo's attention - maybe he was just curious and the article came up, but he had an epiphany that "breastmilk is liquid gold" after reading it. The article talked about all the things it does for baby as well as how it prevents cancer. I knew that. Why didn't he? Anyway, there was one benefit after another and at the end it was like - how could anyone give a mother a hard time for wanting to breastfeed her baby - public or not?

After reading it I was reminded of a picture I saw of a woman who was breastfeeding her baby in a bathroom stall. I've never had to do that, but I have had to breastfeed at another person's house and in an office with closed doors and in a break room with closed doors. Not every place you end up is the most comfortable psychologically or  physically. And I remember a friend of mine saying she would never breastfeed in a restroom. Now I've never done it, but I have changed Luke's diaper once on a bathroom floor and I hated that because it was hard and cold and those pads are so thin that come with the diaper bag. And it isn't the cleanest surface either. But you do what you gotta do. And so my opinion on breastfeeding and where you have to do it is the same. If a bathroom was all I had, that's where I would go. I mean if I didn't have a cover. If I had a cover I would breastfeed in public. If I didn't, you do what you gotta do... If all there is is a restroom, and there's no time... Sorry baby, I'm going to feed you and not make you wait.

But in regards to the public thing - how dare people shame women into feeling like they can't feed their babies in public with the best food option they can. Geez.

The opportunity came up again tonight. I went to a party of one of mom's high school friends. There were a lot of people I didn't know, or have seen briefly, celebrating out in a barn on a small farm. It was warm in the barn with space heaters and kind of chilly outside where the cars were parked. And as her feeding time was drawing near I thought, if I had a cover, I would breastfeed her right here. Probably in a corner so not to stick out. (It would be awkward if an older man came up to introduce himself and was completely oblivious to it and then halfway through conversation realized what was going on right in front of him. But is that "shameing" talking? Have I been shamed into feeling awkward for breastfeeding?) Instead I went to mom's car and sat in the back seat, behind tinted windows, in the dark and fed her. She didn't care. She fell asleep like a baby. :)

The more I do it, and the more we connect, or she looks up at me and smiles afterward, or the next time she searches for me when another is holding her - the more I see the importance of breastfeeding and the bond it gives you and your child. The more beautiful this thing has become. I'm telling you, there's nothing like it.

Babies, Babies, Everywhere!

3 Months, 3 Days

Since the last time I wrote we've had our first ever professional (?) family portraits taken, babies dedicated, and another baby born. Busy. Busy.
I was given the portrait pack back when we were doing the baskets for camp. Another person won but gave me the session for newborn pics of Mila. I was saving them because I thought we would get photos from the hospital (but the photographer never came to our room...) and that Maecy could use them for Mateo because I didn't think she could afford newborn pics (I don't know about affordability but she got some pretty cute photos of Mateo). So I changed it to a family session. And the lady kindly allowed Maecy to include her family, as well as newborn pictures, and add in a big one of both families, and mom.. And then mom invited granddad. One thing leads to another. Unfortunately I didn't think of Daylight Savings and so it got darker earlier and we didn't get outdoor leafy photos. Bummer.

On Novemeber 8, 2015, Mila was dedicated at Centerpointe Community Church. Then Mateo was dedicated. The family that came were: my dad, Aldo's mom, Veronica and the boys, J and some of the kids, Jerad and the kids, Granddad and my mom. And obviously me, Aldo, Luke, Mila and Maecy and Mateo. Afterward we all went out to Applebee's and then we relaxed at home because Aldo took off the Sunday. The biggest moment of the day was when Luke prayed over Mateo. So not planned but those are the best - Aldo and I were named Mateo's prayer partners and I guess Luke assumed he was one too. He grabbed the mic, and was completely natural when he said this prayer -
"Lord I thank you for this day. And I pray at Mateo grows up like my baby grows up, I pray at he gives honor to you, and at he doesn't cry all the time. Amen." Pastor Joe said it was the best one he ever heard. Wow! Blew me away. Man we got blessed with an awesome kid!

And then on November 10th, Stacia's baby boy Jax was born. We went up to visit the next day. Boy was huge!!! And both Mila and Mateo had dark brown hair when they were born, this one has goldish, reddish - so he looks bald and red. But I'm so happy for Stacia anyway. This is her boy! I'll probably visit her sometime in the next week or so, I just don't know when.

Photo Session Selfie

  

Mila Rose Alvidrez - Baby Dedication

Baby Jax

Picture Post

Looking through the camera roll, I realized I haven't added too many photos to this book yet (and I have so many good ones!!). My kids are gorgeous; they should have their pictures taken everywhere and all the time! Here we go…

Back when I was still pregnant and we went to the rodeo to get me walking, and my feet were killing me! And they (Luke & Grammy) left me at the bleachers all by myself for the longest time…

Mila - Newborn to Now

Maecy & Mateo when we went to visit

(He looks just like her. Cute nose. Cute lips. Cute chin. Too much CUTE!!!)

Looking above… can you tell they're cousins?? I can't.

 Watching the World Series 2015

The bottom two are where we were during the parade. For memory's sake.

 And you can also see that "Snapchat" is popular right now.

 <3 ** My Favorite ** <3

Back to Civilization

I enjoyed watching the games, and wearing my comfortable blue hoodie (because you know I'm s jeans and hoodie type of girl), but I'm glad the World Series is over. Royals won. We're the 2015 champs. Yesterday more than 800,000 people wenljohght to downtown by Union Station to cheer on the team and hear their thank-you speeches. School was cancelled. Some places of business closed down too.  Not Nebraska Furniture Mart though. And I didn't quit being a mom of a five-year-old and newborn, and I didn't suddenly get bold enough to drive in Missoiri among the crowd by myself. So.... We stayed home. Aldo worked. We watched a few hours of it and did other stuff. I think Grammy would be proud that I participated and didn't go all out bonkers. I guess had sheuxgel been here she would have sat in her rocker and I would be on the floor with the kids watching the parade at her house. So all in all, I stayed true to myself.

Somehow I managed to get the bathroom clean and our room picked up some, the laundry done, floors swept and mopped, and living room clean. I don't know if I mentioned this but we've been on a cleaning schedule. So many schedules! There's Luke's school schedule, his meal options for lunch, our white board with Aldo's work schedule and all doctor appointments and church events and holidays and birthdays, my food planning schedule, and now this! (My English teacher would die if  he saw that run on sentence. I've also noticed I'm very bracket-happy tonight...) With every major change in our lives we've had to find balance with the home stuff. Less movies, who cleans what, rest on Tuesday, nope... Rest in Wednesday, wake up at this time, go to bed at this time, let the house go.
It seems crazy to have all of these schedules and things, but that's what I have to do to organize all the information and not miss a thing.

Let's get back to the kids though.
Mila's milestones:
- She has found her hands! Of course she sucks on them. It's adorable. Her left is her favorite, and I wonder if she's going to be a leftie at times. But now she reaches out her hands to grab my face. My mouth mostly. She likes when I say "mama" or "Mila". The other day she even reached for her giraffe toy with the stretchy neck.
- We moved up to size 2 in diaper. (She wore Newborns for like a week. And we never bought any more because size 1 fit just fine.) Her thick little legs have been getting red marks because the diapers were tight, so I finished off the 1's and moved her up a size. Now I have to really make sure the top is tight; I'm afraid poopie might go right up and out. And there's a lot of hang... She is certainly not a boy.
- And the sad part.... We put up the crib. It's easy enough to put her down in it while we're awake, whether before bed or for a midday nap. But when I have to get up to feed her in the middle of the night, once I bring her back to our bed to feed her... It's like once I'm down, I'm down. So half the night she still sleeps with us. And what's weird is, I'll start on my side almost off the bed... And I don't know how it happens but when I wake up, I'm in the middle pushing Aldo up against the cold wall and Mila's tucked in on the other side. Hmmm...

Happy Halloween!

This year I didn't concentrate too much on Halloween. I'm more focused on saving for Christmas. Anyway, it was the greatest news when Luke found my old spider costume with the sequins on the belly and eyes and told me that's what he wanted to be for Halloween; less money I'll have to spend on a costume. I still had to re-attach the arms though, which kept coming undone at school and everywhere else we went. Luke was excited for his school party and parade, and I wanted to be there. So Aldo, Mila and myself went to his school and watched as each class marched around the playground black top, and then afterward Aldo and Mila got off easy sitting in the classroom rocking chair while I helped out with the ring toss around the witch hats. Luke is THE cutest kindergartener (but I could be biased...). Later we went to help Vero move into her new house, but nothing was packed so we just looked at it while the kids went to a trunk-or-treat. Here's some pictures that were captured from the day:

BES Halloween Parade

Luke w/ His Kindergarten Teacher, Mrs. Eder

Spider, Sonic & Samurai

The next day was actual Halloween. Aldo had to work, mom was out of town, it was just me and the kids. (Yep. "Kids". Plural. Still a bit weird. Although at this point I know I'd wake up thinking something was wrong if there wasn't a baby in the house.) I planned on watching Ember and Luke at the Fall Festival at church so Kari could do the face paints and Mila would stay with Danny at the house. It. Was. Cold. Thank goodness I didn't have Mila out and about. I originally wanted to dress her up as a ladybug, but time got away from me. I didn't have any plans until I changed her into this zebra-patterned onesie that I had taken out of a random donation bag. I put her in it because first off it was cute. And second, the pink pants that would keep her warm matched. Then about 20 minutes before we had to leave the house I thought, you know what, I wonder if I could make her into a zebra. A simple head piece with ears attached shouldn't be too hard. I looked up some zebra costume inspiration, got out the foam and yarn, and WAH-LA! The most diva zebra I ever did see. Took me 15 minutes and boy was she adorable. After the Fall Festival we went back to Danny and Kari's. They took the kids around their neighborhood while Mila and I watched the Royals play in the World Series. When it ended, I was exhausted and Aldo had finally shown up, and so we left for home and enjoyed the extra hour from daylight savings.

My Little Zebra

Mila's First Halloween

As for Mommy and Daddy's outfits, nothing beats our "Gangnam Style" routine. This year I was planning on being a scarecrow (and I'm telling this out of order too), but the teen costume party was cancelled and we ended up "celebrating" (I put quotations there because we didn't even get candy...) at the Gutz house and watching the Royals. I was one of three who really dressed up. (Sorry babe, your "I'm a mouse" outfit didn't take enough dressing up to be counted as dressing up.) I went as a chola. If you don't know what it is look it up, because I had a hard time committing to the role as well. But hey, we celebrated. Kudos for that. 

Yuck!

Oh my goodness!
Mila just spit up in my mouth!
I went in for a kiss and ... Woosh! Full stream of milk and slobber hit my lips. I don't know how much actually went in because I said "Blah! Ack! Phatooey!" And watched as she smiled her mischievous grin with the one dimple, and then I looked around for where the rest of the milk went. No worries. Just on her pink, bumpy blanket and my shirt.

Another 2-3 more years and I'll have clean shirts again.
Never a clean house though.
<sigh>

I will say this - once you have kids, things that were once disgusting (boogers, slobber, throw up, and other bodily fluids) are not as disgusting. At least not with your own kid. You have no problem, unless your absolutely a clean person with some kind of phobia, cleaning off the crumbs of food around your kid's mouth with your fingers and then licking them afterwards. (Hey, it was Oreo. Or... Hey, it was just steak and potatoes.)

Another gross thing... I might have mentioned this before... Babies don't smell like babies. Not like vanilla or lavender anyway. Not naturally. My little girl smells like she came out of a McDonalds Happy Meal. All oniony and covered in grease. It's disturbing when you go in for a second whiff. It like reside in her neck crease. And transfers to my bed sheets. Am I still considered a lady? Or have I taken it too far and I'm now grouped with the nasty, hobbit people? Please don't judge me. I wasn't always like this.

Post Postpartum

A rightfully named post.
There are days when I have bouts of what I've been calling (in my head) "post" postpartum. Where it feels physically and mentally like the whole... of whatever the whole is... rests on my shoulders. Mila is usually crying frequently, I'm usually tender from breastfeeding and feel completely dried up and shooting milk dust, and Aldo always seems to be around (How does that work? I must be holding out until the days he's off work.) My first guess was that I was supposed to be on my period. I didn't know this, but you don't have a period when you breastfeed. But that doesn't make sense because it's been sporadic. The craziness I mean. Lack of sleep? Possibly. Is it the constant physical draining? The constant contact? Likely. The guessing games of why she's crying? Also likely, but easier as you go. Is it a growth spurt??? Is that why she's so hungry??? And I feel so empty?

See these are the things you don't see new moms going through, and I'm more than 2 months in. I'm my "normal" self again, but there are times when I'm weary of whether I'm actually done with the baby blues. <enter exasperated sigh here>
I can make it. All for baby. You're a good mom, Erryn. And you're a helpful dad, Aldo. You're a good brother, Luke. And you're loved, Mila... We just can't wait until you can finally crawl and grab your own toy that you want and can keep your attention, and maybe talk or sign to know what it is that will make you happy.
Tomorrow's a new day. Here we go!

I have to throw in another shout out to Aldo. As I'm typing this he's finished cooking, and is juggling her along with his food as she's "shouting" at him and watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 (because the first wasn't bad enough??) with Luke. What a good dad and husband. I'm so lucky.

Hater Status

Tonight has been a rough night. I have to vent without passing my grumpiness off to anyone. Thank you blog for allowing me to do so.

1. The Royals are a big deal on Facebook. It's starting to irritate me. Okay, so I'm not like a huge fan of sports, but I wouldn't mind going to a game here or there. And, right now - and I know this is untrue - it feels like they're all rubbing it in. I'm salty. I admit it, jealousy has struck. I want to go out. I want to have some fun with my kids. I want to look amazing, wear the fan-wear, go all out… I want to do it. But I can't. Because...

2. We're broke. We have zero money for fun. We have bills is what we have. And my question is this -- how do these people have 2+ kids and are still able to live on their own, get nice things, and still go out and take off work. I don't get it. Are they swimming in debt? Can you get to that point? They must have rich family members or nice connections. We don't have connections. We're starting from scratch here. One day my children will know how it is to work for their money and live off of their means and better society and the economy. <sigh>
I looked at houses online. We can't afford it. We would have to buy a foreclosure. And even then, how do you get the money to put down? We have to have help somewhere.

3. I cooked tonight. I've been doing that lately so we save money on food. That seems to be where we're spending a lot of our money. So I've been cooking so that we have leftovers instead of eating out. I think it's helping. Anyway, I've been looking up recipes to extend my knowledge base and selections, and also I've been meal planning for two weeks ahead. That way I'm only going to the store for what I need and saving on multiple trips. Tonight I made pork chops and rice. It's terrible. Absolutely terrible. I think I was supposed to do something to the rice before putting it in the oven, but even soaking it for an hour in water would have been nasty. I can't cook rice for the life of me. The pork chops were a bust too. But I added them to some macaroni. Still saving money here. At least I didn't buy the rice so it wasn't a waste. And at least I didn't put all the pork chops in the pan. So I can test out another pork chop recipe and add it or cross it off the list. I wanted to say that the other night I also made another disgusting recipe (I think Aldo was just being nice when he said he liked it) that involved noodles and meatballs. I've learned that I'm just not buying anything frozen again. And I thought I was good at baking. Turns out I'm not.

So this post is a hater status because I just needed to vent, not pass on the negativity, and not get bombarded with "be grateful".

---

And now that I've taken that time, I will turn it around to something positive and thankful.

1. I'm grateful for… my husband and kids. They're perfect. My husband is entertaining and funny. My kids take after him (Luke definitely and I'm assuming Mila will too). We can sit on the couch and have a good time. We can sit on the couch and talk and have a better time. We wrestle, we play games, we take funny pictures and make silly videos (Aldo and Luke's "Bulletproof" production). I would rather spend time with my family then go alone to a game or Worlds of Fun or something like that. My family means the world to me. Thank you God for allowing me to be a part of their lives.

2. I'm grateful for… learning life lessons early in life so I haven't made too many mistakes as a grown-up. My guess is a lot of people buy things they can't afford and that's why the U.S. is in so much debt (we're a "I want it, and I want it now" society), but my parents and grandparents taught me to get a good education and work hard at your job, etc. We didn't get any hand-offs. (Except that my mom let me have her hand-me-down Jeep, and then I had to actually pay for the replacement Mercury, and then I borrowed the van…). I'm thankful we didn't get hand-offs. It would've been so much harder to learn what being an adult is all about. Taking responsibility. If you didn't know.
I'm also grateful for… living in the basement of my mom's house. It really is benefiting all parties involved.

3. I'm grateful for… a non-picky husband who is willing to taste my cooking. Improve my cooking. And not hold it against me when I mess up. He appreciates the fact that I try. And I'm grateful that I have learned a few new things that have been a success among the failures. I can make biscuits and gravy! I've been wanting to do that for the longest time!
Oh, and I'm grateful for… those spice packets. Whether it's chili powder, stroganoff, taco seasoning, or gravy mix… without them I'd have a lot more guess work going on. But instead I have more than a couple of flavorful meals under my belt.

Hater status turned Let's Get'R Done mode.

The Other Side

Today I got to see how the other side of the birth story is. Maecy had baby Mateo early this morning at 2:44am (not 3:02 mom…). Yesterday I was on the edge of my seat ready to leave at a moment's notice. And I asked Maecy and Juan to keep me updated. They said they would let me know throughout the night. I didn't even get a picture. I got a text that said, "Baby Mateo is here!" and that's it. Mom got pictures. Friends got pictures. I got nothing. I was like --- Hey! I'm the sister! Annnnnd… Juan's family was there through the night! I didn't get to see him until around 10 o'clock. So lame.

I drove mom and granddad there, Mila with us. She had Mateo at Overland Park Regional (not a bad looking hospital, and the inside is very nice… might check into it for the next baby). I asked Mace the story; they didn't say much except that she was a 4 and then an 8 and then he was there. And it hurt. I want details!!! I guess not every person is like me. I like knowing what's going on. I like the intimate facts. It must just be my personality though, respectfully in everyone's business. I like the psychological. I realized that. I might make a good councilor someday.

So for the future I was thinking, maybe I will allow mom back in the room for the next baby. If there is one. That way she can see the pain I go through. And be able to tell people I'm exhausted, go away. And congratulate Aldo on how well he takes care of me. And keep everyone informed so Aldo can focus on baby time and me. I guess this time was a little different because we needed someone to watch Luke. Otherwise I think she would have been at the hospital, definitely earlier than what she made it. But my mind isn't settled on that. It can always change. And again, it's just me. So if they don't want all the details and if they don't want to be there, then I guess they don't have to be. 

On a more positive note… (that was kind of depressing)… here's some pictures of my handsome nephew - I will say this: I liked being pregnant at the same time as Maecy. Not a bad experience. Without further ado…

Mateo Sebastian Tarin

Born 10/15/2015 @ 2:44am

6lb. 12oz.

Proud Auntie Erryn

The Tarin Family

Proud Grammy

(Look at how Mila reacts to her kisses… :D hahaha!)

Announcing to their Neighbors

100 Things

Maecy called me up this morning - her water broke in bed and she's on the way to the hospital. So I am ready to go at any second just in case I need to pick up mom or keep Maecy company or just need to visit Mateo. Mila is packed and we're ready to go. So as I am sitting here a little bored, I've done some research on the stork signs and I looked at Luke's blog book. Here's an old list of 100 things... Interesting to see what I've done in the last 5 years...

Bold are what I did before 2010. And the red italic is what I've done since.

1. Started your own blog (how about "re-started")
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (... One day... One day we will make it there.)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (I guess I was counting Worlds of Fun, "The Ripcord")
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables (I'm counting mom's gardens that I did help plant and watered a few times... Barely ate any of it though. Too many worms and too much lettuce.)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (yes, but only because Luke was)
24. Built a snow fort (how about igloo!!)
25. Held a lamb
26. Went skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (still a fatty, so that's a "NO!" - my goal for the next five years.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (I'm lucky if I hit the ball...)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (hey, I did work on ancestry.. I'm getting there.)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (re-learning Spanish)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
43. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
44. Visited Africa (Ebola! Ebola everywhere! So no.)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (I should.)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (that's on the same list as Hawaii I guess)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class (Not me, but Luke has! I took Zumba...)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching (in Kansas? Are you serious??)
63. Got flowers for no reason (I have a good husband)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (I'm counting cord blood. I did that with Mila)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check (never again!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar (too scared. I ate raw sushimi.)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the changing of the guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (I think the chance has passed for that.)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (Yes! Brand new to me! From the car dealer.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (it takes dedication)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (I ate the squirrel mom shot. #onlywithmom … but for this to count, I'm choosing fish)
88. Saved someone's life
89. Had chickenpox
90. Sat on a jury (Two years in a row! One car crash with medical bills and another with a robbery in Basehor where I knew just about all of the witnesses and they still let me on the panel.)
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club (we're so nerdy...)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (every time I watch a judge on TV!)
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

So this means I'm 38/100.

Growth

Strange how our minds and memories work, and generally how life itself works out.

Lately there's been a lot of discussion about first child (the oldest, which I am), second child, and if you are blessed enough to have one, the third child and so on. So I've been thinking a lot about similarities between Luke, me, and other older siblings that we know like Veronica and Natalie Gutz. And similarities between Maecy and Mila, Aldo, etc. And how I'm going to need some time before we even consider having a third child.

The Alvidrez family is the exception. They're all crazy.

Anyway, we were hanging out with Maecy the other day telling stories about how much trouble she got into growing up. A lot of it had to do with poop or eating unsanitary things. Once she ate gum off of a tire. Yummy! A few times she has dirtied up bathrooms. And she's gone without underwear a lot! I don't think I ever did anything really bad except make her sing "shake your booty" in public (on a table at McDonalds). But really hashtag... #peopleofMcDonalds is basically the same as #peopleofWalmart ... People expect nuts to walk through their doors. Is Luke my easy child and Mila my little trouble-maker? We shall see.

But the purpose of this post was I was going to talk about growth. With Luke every milestone was new. We had no idea what to look for, what to expect, what to savor. With Mila I see the stages. I see the on-coming of milestones. And I appreciate them more and more. The newborn only lasts so long. Mila probably 2 weeks. To all those future mommies and daddies out there take as many pictures as you can of your newborn. The tinyness and essence of newborn only lasts so long. I knew Mila grew out of the newborn stage almost immediately. I can see subtle changes this time around a lot better than with Luke. Mila has this little peacock patch of hair that grows a little more each day. She had chunky legs now with more rolls than the Pillsbury doughboy (not really... but she does have rolls). But I can tell when she's growing long or filling out because when I change places in the middle of the night to feed her (crawling over one side to the other) I look down and notice... She's bigger than yesterday. And before I could see big milestones but now I can break them down into weeks. She's really starting to coo now. You appreciate every raspberry they blow. It only lasts so long and the next day they're talking... Repeating your name "Mommy... Mommy... Mommy..." in your ear a hundred times... And then you hear them less because they go to school all day, but thank goodness the days are quicker... But then one day they're grown. Married at 30 (not 13, Luke) with their own kids and days pass so fast.

How did this post get to be so depressing? Ok, I'm going to go appreciate the day with my kids now. Kids. That's plural. Hasn't entirely sunk in yet.

The Hair Tuft 

<3 My Kids <3

TMI & TBH

We're 2 months old today!

So cutting to the chase.... Here's my "Too Much Information" statements:

• Breastfeeding is so weird. Once you get passed the soreness stage, you're just nipping all day. Through sweaters even! And during odd times (your baby doesn't have to be awake or hungry for this to happen) you might suddenly get a tingling feeling like they're being pulled on. So weird! 

•  How long do you bleed for after giving birth? With Luke I stopped pretty quickly up until I started taking birth control and then bled every single day. This time I haven't taken anything yet, and just earlier this week I stopped wearing the panty liners. Our bodies are so strange I tell you! And nobody warns you of these things.

And now "To Be Honest"... People weren't talking about post-partum while I was dealing with it and now that it's over and I would and am willing to speak out about it, everyone is. I'm not on some bandwagon speaking out about an issue, I actually went through it. Why does it come out now as an actual issue?

To be honest...  I could use some sleep. But Mila is doing great anyway.

To be honest... It's hard being at home all day. And with a baby at your hip 24/7. Seriously attached. She likes me best. (To be honest.) it's only hard though because I have to look for things to do that I can do with her. Like projects. Well I can't read much. I get tired of watching tv all day. I get stressed looking at all the cleaning around me. And I desperately want to get a fit body again.

To be honest... I'm 210 lbs. Daaaaang. I have the weirdest belly button, an overhanging excess of skin, and my belly is stretch mark city. I desperately want to exercise. But it is so hard with a two-month-old and I'm not making up excuses. I ran the other day (I had to wake up early to do it and I had to have Aldo to watch Mila and Mila had to be in a good mood) and I could only go half way running because I couldn't breath. That's not good. I'd like to walk but it takes more time. How convenient that winter is coming and the weather is getting colder. I would go to the YMCA except that I think 2 mo. is too young to leave a baby in a nursery with people you don't particularly know.

To be honest... I love being a mom. I think my favorite time is when they start talking because 1) you finally can ask what they want, but mostly 2) they have such sweet voices and 3) you get a better idea of their personalities. We're going to have our hands full with Mila. She's already "talking" by cooing and moving her hands.

To be honest... I'm least looking forward to teething. The other day she got her two-month-old shots. (By the way she weighs 11lbs. 4oz. and measures 22.25in.) She was cranky all day, her little chubby legs were so sensitive. I can only imagine teething. And she's already sucking and slobbering on my shoulder.

To be honest... (This is a Luke update) I have THE smartest kids. Aldo and I went to Luke's first parent-teacher conferences. As a kindergartner, the kids are expected to know some of their letters and hardly any of the sounds they make. Luke is reading Dr. Seuss. He's writing entries Ina journal with full sentences where other kids are labeling with a word here and there or putting down the first letter for the first sound. Luke is being put into the enriched group in English and Math. We had to ask are we pushing him too hard?... Is it too much that we're already having him count money?

Current Status

Aldo

Age 27, working at Nebraska Furniture Mart in Kansas City, KS as a Floor Manager. Also currently running a Teen Bible Study series on the Holy Spirit. And those two things pretty much take up his time. I'm currently looking for a different job for him. Something 9 to 5, weekends off, still close by and maybe a pay grade up.

Myself

Age 27, working from home (still basement of my mom's house) on my laptop doing the monthly newsletter for the local library. They love me there and offered me a position. Actually they offer me my job back almost every time I go in. But this time they offered for me to bring Mila and work in back. They were serious. So I'm actually considering it. Aldo says the church leadership wants me to be the secretary (crazy right?!) but I haven't heard any official word on that.
On top of those things - what else does a stay-at-home-mom do? When I was "stay-at-home" with Luke, I wasn't really, because I taught homeschool at someone else's house. So I still had a "job". Now I have a whole lot of free time, but it's restricted. Because Mila is so spontaneous. A friend recommended I find a hobby. So as to not go insane here's what I came up with:

• Take piano lessons. 
• Plan a Eurotrip. Or s trip across all 50 states.
• Listen to the Bible all the way through.

Piano lessons were inspired by Mila's long, beautiful piano fingers. Obviously I can't take lessons until she's able to take regular naps, but it's on my bucket list anyway. I've started research on Europe go-to places by watching documentaries (it's difficult reading books with s baby at home). Eventually, and yes it will take a while, I'll get a budget together, which will be our savings goal. Very long term. At least five years away. I guess I should mention saving for a house comes first, and before that paying off debt (thank you Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University), but for now it's on pause. And so far I've completed Genesis on my Bible listening.

Luke

Age 5, attending school at Basehor Elementary, Monday through Friday. He really likes it. Especially anything to do with library and reading (He's my child for sure). I hear from teachers that he's doing really well and seems as happy as can be. Today though he got off the bus crying. This little Violet girl is a nuisance - he told me the other day that she tattles on him and lies about him all the time. And then today she scratched him on the ankle and made him bleed at recess, then hit him on the bus twice. After questioning Luke intensively, I found out that he didn't initiate anything or antagonize, actually the opposite- he asked her politely to stop and that he didn't like when she hit him - it sounded like those "I Messages" we were taught in school when I was little to help with bullies. Did I mention how I have the sweetest kid?! On another note, I'd like to put Luke in sports or something. Maybe swimming lessons again. We'll see. Unfortunately until the bills are paid, we're penny pinching so extracurricular activities are hard to find.

Mila

Wakes up anywhere from 4-6 am. Falls back asleep until somewhere between 10-Noon.. And that's when we do "Tummy Time". We were taking naps together from 3-4 pm, but as of late I've been skipping out on that. And this week she's been waking up early and fussing when we pick up Luke. All the way until 6ish. That's rough. I've also been trying to take her off of formula and going solely breastmilk (succeeded the two days in a row), but yesterday and today at this fuss time the only thing that seems to make her happy is 2oz. of Enfamil. We'll get there. And the end of the night is guess work. Some days she's asleep by 10 and others by 3 o'clock in the morning. 

Current cuteness: She smiles at me. She laughs in her sleep. She tracks me across the room. And today we played the cooing copycat game. I love when her eyebrows furrow up. There was a lot of furrowing today. 

I Did Something Good Today

... I chose to hold her instead of put her in the swing.

Moms... Dads... Hold onto your babies for five more minutes. Go in for the extra hug and blow a special kiss. Read another bedtime story. They're kids for only so long. Take every opportunity to enjoy this time you have together. You may not have another chance; it's not promised.

... Annnnnd that's how I got the "Mom of the Year" Award. Just kidding.

Getting in the Swing of Things

All things have now kind of leveled out. It's still unreal to me that we have a baby, but at least we're starting to figure things out.
Mila didn't have colic - she had a bit of gas, so we burped her better and watched how and in what position she drank from bottles. There were times when she would only drink the foamy top right after shaking a formula bottle, and I would especially burp her then. When it wasn't gas, she was just fighting a bit of sleep, so we would rock her, bounce her, wrap her, burp her, change position constantly, all to wear her out and get her through it.
Since then, she had a growth spurt, during which time she stopped drinking as much, also at which time I was on my menstrual cycle and didn't know it - both can cause a decrease in breastmilk supply. So we had a breastmilk supply scare. For two days I nursed, nursed, nursed and pumped, pumped, pumped in between. I was down to .5mL on each side. Now I'm at 2mL each (my guess because I'm hardly pumping, more trying to just nurse and not use formula). I should pump in between still to keep my supply up just in case though.
My birthday has also passed. It's crazy how time goes by. One minute you feel like you'll never mature (I'm now 20 in a 27 year old body) and the next you look around and realize you're as old as your parents and you've caught up to them because you now have the same amount of kids they have and you're music is now "oldies". Wow! As of late, mom has been out of town frequently so I've been taking care of the birds. Wake up at 6:30am, put on camo boots, open coop door, water in all buckets from the well faucet, let out the small birds in the corner who are separated at the moment and in that "transition" stage, feed them all outside (scoop laying brownish-grayish cracked-looking stuff, scoop corny pebble feed, and one scoop whole corn), feed small birds inside coop, let them all out and tie up rope, collect eggs. Today doing the chores (I'm also taking care of the dogs and a lame duck in the garage) I realized that when I was younger I didn't grow up on a "farm" per se. I vaguely remember pigs at my Grammy and Granddad's house. It was more of a "wildlife preserve" because my uncle raised cougars, peacocks, sugar gliders, etc. My other uncle had horses. My Grammy had her outside dogs and barn-full of raggedy old cats (I have no idea where they would come from) that seemed to never die. ... I'm getting away from the point I was trying to make... Anyway, today it occurred to me that  both of my kids will be able to tell their children about the farm they grew up on. All thanks to my mother who we currently reside with. It was kind of a sweet thought. For a moment I felt privileged. Not all kids grow up on farms. I'd say a lot that I know grew up urban or inner-city, and it very well seems like that's where the world is leading toward. I thought of this picture I have of Luke when he's not yet one. He's sitting on the ground, right outside the chicken fence, attempting to feed the chickens with these measily handfuls of straw. I thought maybe someday I'll have a picture of Mila doing that exact same thing. And how many parents do I know have an original picture like that...? I've been planning a photo session, well two actually; a newborn photo session and one with the whole family in denim once Mateo arrives. All the poses and backgrounds whether baby or family are same old same old - people who declare how much they're city people take pictures in front of barns and in sunflower fields. Tell me how that explains anything memorable about your life (sorry for my brief moment of "hater" sarcasm). At least the picture of Luke in front of the fence, feeding the animals, meant something. And gosh do I dislike those dumb animals.

I'm trying to remember if something big happened lately that I'm just not recalling...
Sorry, my mind is blank. Maybe someday I'll be able to actually finish one of these blog entries on the same day I start. Difficult when you have an actual subject to talk about and then your train of thought gets interrupted and you forgot where you were going with it when you finally come back.
All in all, Mila is starting to recognize faces. Of course she knows my voice. She's smiling at my face. I love it! Has her favorite sleeping spots: my armpit in bed, under my neck, or in the swing. Luke is holding her more and more and the other day Daddy almost had Luke carry her to me by himself. Luke was nervous. It was the cutest thing! I think he thought he might drop her.

Time to go! When the little one wakes up, like that everything I'm doing stops and that's the end..