30 Weeks
So, more recent -
Maecy finds out June 1st if she's having a boy or a girl. We decided that we're going to have a shared baby shower. I'll start it off for a short time, then we'll crossover so family and familiar friends can come to both, and then she'll end it. It works because we both like the peach color. And I can't wait for the next few days because we can start the planning!
We also scheduled to take our Childbirth and Newborn Care classes together. Both are at the beginning of June. The Childbirth one she heard about, it's free and in Missouri (we might be the only white girls there…). The Newborn Care class Aldo and I took at Shawnee Mission about 5 years ago. So it'll be a good refresher for me. I'm nervous because I don't remember what I did with Luke except take pictures of him sleeping. And I had all that trouble breastfeeding. And I can't remember how to swaddle. Better just to take it again. And Maecy will have someone to go with too.
I'm also getting Luke prepped for school. He has his physical and medical history that needs to be taken care of, and the school also said he might need glasses. Awww… sorry about passing on the blind genes. You look cute in glasses anyway.
Other than that Luke and I have been home, but we've all been busy because we have youth camp at the end of the month. I have a new role this year, "make-it-happen" lady. And I'm in charge of a lot of paperwork. Speaking of which, I should probably get off here and start baking for the bake sale tomorrow…
Before I go though I want to tell you about a few dreams I had this past week. None are good. And I haven't been watching anything scary either. I will mention beforehand though, that getting a new house has been on our mind since Aldo's mom and sister are approved and looking to move before the end of the year. So curiosity says - Why can't we afford to get a house?
"Can't Live with My Mom a Moment Longer"
In the dream, we were living downstairs (like in real life) and I had just bought a whole bunch of stuff - can't remember exactly, I think it was chocolates. So mom had a friend come over and she needed a present for her, and she wanted to take my stuff. Without paying me for it. Without replacing it. I had just bought it and I wanted it, it was my purchase for myself, my blow money.. I told her no. She got basically irate and went off on me. I was like, I can't live in this house with my mom. Not anymore. Not if she's going to be like that, and take my stuff or get onto me about how I spend my money or just assume she has access to everything because it's her house. I was sooo angry when I woke up. Of course, it was all fake and not real at all. But it did make me think, maybe we should start looking at homes just to be safe…
"Luke's Big Fall"
The next dream, we lived in kind of a bad, inner-city neighborhood and we were broke. It was winter and I had to walk Luke to school. So we're walking along the sidewalk, snow crunching underneath our feet and I kept telling him to stay close and not get so far ahead. There were people behind us, probably also walking to the school or to a store nearby or something. As we were walking along the sidewalk, we were getting close to the school. Before you get there, on the right is a rock pillar to metal another rock pillar to metal fence. It blocked like a overhang over a asphalted city square below. Luke climbed on the bottom and walked sideways between the bars, trying to get to the other side. I was ok with it, he wasn't being dangerous. I was in the middle and he was almost to the end, when all of a sudden he decided to climb up further. I started to yell at him and tell him not to climb up on it so he wouldn't fall, when he fell. I saw his body fall… body spread out, flipping in the air. He looked so small. And instant panic hit me and I prayed as fast as I could, Lord, don't let him break anything. Let it be a miracle. It was faster than a second that went through my mind. I started to run toward the stairs, backtracking.. and I saw that by some serious miracle he had grabbed a street lamp and was hanging on. The man that had been behind us slid down the stairs before I could get to them and was under Luke ready to catch him. Luke ended up hanging on until I was below also. We told him he could let go and we would catch him. And we did. (From after he slipped over onward is where I was aware I was dreaming, and so I think I made it to where it had a happier ending.) But waking up, I didn't know what to think. How scary. What if that did happen? How would I act afterward? I would rock him in my arms forever and never want to let go. And I would be super protective too. He wouldn't be able to go anywhere with anyone or do anything. I'd get onto him about sharp edges and heights, any hazardous area.
"No-name"
When I went back to sleep again, I had another dream about a fight that I had with mom. I don't remember what it was. I just remember having that same feeling like - hmmm… not a bad idea to start looking at homes and figuring out our budget.
"Secret Passages"
I was at a private school or something with Maecy and a group of kids. It was a very strict place and our class had to report to someone in charge for being bad. So this boy was the leader, and I followed him, Maecy behind me, then the rest of the line. We weren't sure whether to go through this brown door or not, so we went to the passage on the right. It led us around and through hallways. I kept following him. He ended up going up a flight of stairs, into a room that had a hole in the wall. It was a secret passage I guess. Instead of whatever wall is made of, it was rock and muddish. It led to this room below. Originally I followed him in, and saw that there were chains all around the room and weird things. It turned into something like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with cannibals. Then I backtracked, and was able to stop in the tunnel before going into the circle room. He went all the way in. I looked back and saw that Maecy and the rest of the group hadn't followed us all the way, and they had ended up where they were supposed to be. Why didn't they stop us? But I looked down and heard the sounds of him screaming. Still a bad dream.
I also forgot to talk about Mila!
She's moving around a lot! I feel like pushes her elbows across my stomach and stretches out a lot. She's a strong one. The last couple of days I've been having pain to the upper right of my belly button. It can be sharp, but it's mostly hard. And feels like muscle stretching too far. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. Ah, the joys of bearing children. I suspect it's one of the following: constipation, round ligaments (googled it), or Mila's butt.
Welp, hopefully I'll get some pregnancy photos on here soon. I have a long list of To-Do's. I'll try my best!
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Crazy Days of Summer - Part 1
30 Weeks
So… update on my surgery: It wasn't as expected.
We went to the surgery facility (same building where my OB is) that morning. I had pre-registered online and everything, all we had to do was sign some paperwork and pay the downpayment fee. During this time, as I looked around there were signs everywhere that said to notify front desk or notify your nurse, etc. if you are pregnant (because there is radiation in use). I did at the sign-in. I did with my nurse that took me back to the - it wasn't a room, it was more of an enclosed space in the wall. And I did again with the other person that came there. The anesthesiologist knew already. So they get me prepped (nothing but robe, IV in, pressure cuff on, the whole shebang), and the anesthesiologist says he's going to meet with the doctors one last time to discuss what they're going to do. The safest thing they can do is give me something to make me sleep and put a tube down my throat.
They come back saying, ummm…. we can't perform surgery here, you're pregnant. What? It's in their policy. What? The strange thing is, I set this up by pre-registering and they knew I was pregnant from the beginning. All well, what now? They were sending me to a different facility across the parking lot, I could keep my IV in, they'll send me with the filled out paperwork, of course no charge, and were very apologetic. A few minutes later someone comes in and says we can't have the IV stay in because they don't know if I do drugs. Then the director of the building comes in and asks if I know why the IV can't stay in. Because you don't know if I'll do drugs??? They'll fine me over $2000 for an ambulance ride I didn't take. Oh brother, take the IV out and let's get on with this…
Made it to the other place. Got me prepped again, no waiting. Not too much paperwork. Everything seemed rushed though. And I felt like, maybe this should be slowed down a bit… I want everyone familiar with the plan before something goes wrong. And they referred to me as "the pregnant lady". It did slow down - the doc took another patient, so everyone wasn't in a rush anymore. We went over my history again, etc etc. The stinking IV had to go in the same vein because the others just weren't working = most painful part of the whole surgery. And, they changed the plan. Instead of being completely out, they'd give me a spinal tap (stronger than an epidural) where I can't feel my lower half. Wouldn't need a tube (Yay!), but I'd be wide awake.
Finally, I'm taken into a surgery room. It was a wide, open space with a super skinny bed in the middle. All the hoses and computers were around it and there were three circular lights above it. They helped me move over to the bed, which I thought was kind of silly, but then the nurses had to give me the spinal tap as I was sitting sideways and my legs hung over. It was weird because I thought I could lay back down by myself, but they insisted on helping me… it's a good thing that they did… I got one leg on and by the second I couldn't feel or control my legs anymore! They did a prick test on me and I could still feel near my stomach, so they put the bed on an incline, head down. Which made me nauseous. The surgery is kind of a blur now (and I don't want to go into too much detail), but I remember that I kept wondering when they were going to get started. I was about ready to ask, but then I saw them swing my legs into stirrups and that answered my question. (I couldn't feel a thing.)
Mila moved the entire time during surgery. I felt her. And I just prayed she wasn't stressed out or anything. There was a point, also, where I saw EVERYTHING in the reflection of one of the lights. I told the nurse and she adjusted it. Then later they brought in a tv screen, which I also asked to be moved so I couldn't see. The surgery was 45 minutes long, and they said that I was the ideal patient. Afterward all I wanted was food. The next few days, I didn't hurt much which was surprising. But I did limit my movements. (I was afraid to take large strides and cough, etc) After two weeks, I was approved of all activities.
Because of the surgery and other issues, Miss Pat decided school should just be over. What's one week and one letter sound difference anyway? So Luke had a simple and quick graduation from Future Visions Academy. I'm no longer his teacher. <sad face> Now I'm just his mom. <relief> I liked helping out at the pre-school, but it's definitely not my age group. I only had two kids, and one of them was mine!! Also, I think the emotions and limitations of pregnancy made teaching the age group more difficult.
Oh, and another surprise.. with youth camp coming up, for some reason I had the need to go out and get donations. The only day I saw fit was the second day after surgery when Aldo was off work. So we went all over Legends and other places for almost 12 hours asking for help. And we got it too! I think people felt sorry for me. Half way through I could't walk much anymore. It was one of those things… you get stuck in a hospital bed one day, and everyone tells you to recover the next day - you just want to be useful. (Aldo says we set the bar high for next year. I just kept thinking - and I still do - that nothing is going to keep me from camp.
So… update on my surgery: It wasn't as expected.
We went to the surgery facility (same building where my OB is) that morning. I had pre-registered online and everything, all we had to do was sign some paperwork and pay the downpayment fee. During this time, as I looked around there were signs everywhere that said to notify front desk or notify your nurse, etc. if you are pregnant (because there is radiation in use). I did at the sign-in. I did with my nurse that took me back to the - it wasn't a room, it was more of an enclosed space in the wall. And I did again with the other person that came there. The anesthesiologist knew already. So they get me prepped (nothing but robe, IV in, pressure cuff on, the whole shebang), and the anesthesiologist says he's going to meet with the doctors one last time to discuss what they're going to do. The safest thing they can do is give me something to make me sleep and put a tube down my throat.
They come back saying, ummm…. we can't perform surgery here, you're pregnant. What? It's in their policy. What? The strange thing is, I set this up by pre-registering and they knew I was pregnant from the beginning. All well, what now? They were sending me to a different facility across the parking lot, I could keep my IV in, they'll send me with the filled out paperwork, of course no charge, and were very apologetic. A few minutes later someone comes in and says we can't have the IV stay in because they don't know if I do drugs. Then the director of the building comes in and asks if I know why the IV can't stay in. Because you don't know if I'll do drugs??? They'll fine me over $2000 for an ambulance ride I didn't take. Oh brother, take the IV out and let's get on with this…
Made it to the other place. Got me prepped again, no waiting. Not too much paperwork. Everything seemed rushed though. And I felt like, maybe this should be slowed down a bit… I want everyone familiar with the plan before something goes wrong. And they referred to me as "the pregnant lady". It did slow down - the doc took another patient, so everyone wasn't in a rush anymore. We went over my history again, etc etc. The stinking IV had to go in the same vein because the others just weren't working = most painful part of the whole surgery. And, they changed the plan. Instead of being completely out, they'd give me a spinal tap (stronger than an epidural) where I can't feel my lower half. Wouldn't need a tube (Yay!), but I'd be wide awake.
Finally, I'm taken into a surgery room. It was a wide, open space with a super skinny bed in the middle. All the hoses and computers were around it and there were three circular lights above it. They helped me move over to the bed, which I thought was kind of silly, but then the nurses had to give me the spinal tap as I was sitting sideways and my legs hung over. It was weird because I thought I could lay back down by myself, but they insisted on helping me… it's a good thing that they did… I got one leg on and by the second I couldn't feel or control my legs anymore! They did a prick test on me and I could still feel near my stomach, so they put the bed on an incline, head down. Which made me nauseous. The surgery is kind of a blur now (and I don't want to go into too much detail), but I remember that I kept wondering when they were going to get started. I was about ready to ask, but then I saw them swing my legs into stirrups and that answered my question. (I couldn't feel a thing.)
Mila moved the entire time during surgery. I felt her. And I just prayed she wasn't stressed out or anything. There was a point, also, where I saw EVERYTHING in the reflection of one of the lights. I told the nurse and she adjusted it. Then later they brought in a tv screen, which I also asked to be moved so I couldn't see. The surgery was 45 minutes long, and they said that I was the ideal patient. Afterward all I wanted was food. The next few days, I didn't hurt much which was surprising. But I did limit my movements. (I was afraid to take large strides and cough, etc) After two weeks, I was approved of all activities.
Because of the surgery and other issues, Miss Pat decided school should just be over. What's one week and one letter sound difference anyway? So Luke had a simple and quick graduation from Future Visions Academy. I'm no longer his teacher. <sad face> Now I'm just his mom. <relief> I liked helping out at the pre-school, but it's definitely not my age group. I only had two kids, and one of them was mine!! Also, I think the emotions and limitations of pregnancy made teaching the age group more difficult.
Oh, and another surprise.. with youth camp coming up, for some reason I had the need to go out and get donations. The only day I saw fit was the second day after surgery when Aldo was off work. So we went all over Legends and other places for almost 12 hours asking for help. And we got it too! I think people felt sorry for me. Half way through I could't walk much anymore. It was one of those things… you get stuck in a hospital bed one day, and everyone tells you to recover the next day - you just want to be useful. (Aldo says we set the bar high for next year. I just kept thinking - and I still do - that nothing is going to keep me from camp.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
My Darling, Flower
We have a name. I thought of it the other day, but wasn't sure because I didn't look up the meaning yet. So this morning I looked it up. It means in Slavic "industrious" or "hard-working" and in Russian (my personal choice) "my darling" or "dear one". I asked Aldo how he felt about it and he liked it. It's the first one that he said he liked as a first name. It's the only name that he didn't say - I DON'T NOT LIKE IT. Which basically means, it sucks. Or I HAVE TO GET USED TO IT. Which means it's not the one. He told me to put it on the board… like what we did for Luke. Instead for the rest of the morning I looked up middle names that would go with it, during which he asked, "What middle name would go with it? Something with a vowel?" Honestly it was a bit of a struggle. You know, you look at syllables, meanings, the way it rolls off the tongue and flows, if your family can pronounce it, if you can use it to discipline, if the acronym isn't horrible, if there are a possibility of bad nicknames… And as I was searching I thought of one. I told Aldo, and he also liked it. Really liked it. He thought it was sweet and perfect. And I said, it's it. And he said, "It's it?" And I said yes. This is the name. We got it.
So we are proud to announce, the name of our daughter...
So we are proud to announce, the name of our daughter...
Mila Rose Alvidrez
Surgery & More
26 Weeks
This might get a little detailed…
After the last appointment with the sono, I noticed that something was a bit not right. I thought it had to do with pregnancy so I waited for a time. Then, I decided maybe I better look it up just in case, but nothing made sense on the internet. With the family trip coming up, I didn't want doctors appointments getting in the way or be stressed out, so we decided to wait until my next visit to the OB and mention something. Apparently I have a cyst that is blocking by urethra. I'm able to pee, but not in a straight line. And all this time I thought Man, I'll never get the hang of this.. peeing in a cup (at doctor visits). She sent me to a specialist in the immediate next few days.
It's not painful. It wasn't caused by baby and it's not affecting baby. But, if it got bigger, it could give me some kidney issues, etc. It could push on my bladder. It could send me into pre-term labor. The specialist said that normally he would remove it right then and there, but I'm pregnant (at the time 24-25 weeks). Local anesthesia would cross the blood barrier. I am scheduled to go in for surgery Wednesday, May 6 and I'll have an IV that will put me in almost a comatose state…?
The days following of this information, I guess it hadn't hit me yet because I was ok. Then one night the fear hit me that this could possibly put stress on the baby. So at a camp meeting, they prayed over me, and I've felt much better about it ever since. Recently I'm feeling excited. ? I know craaazy, right? Who would feel excited about surgery? I think I'm excited that it'll be gone and we can go back to normal life. That I'll have Aldo home for three days straight. And that I won't have to teach school, so long weekend for me! Hip hip hooray!
Second recent issue - Stress.
I would have blamed pregnancy brain if it hadn't gone on for so long. Last Wednesday, I was driving to school and realized half-way that I forgot the school curriculum. My entire box of plans and the kids' workbooks. Something I take to "work" every day. It was interesting because I remembered all of the extra stuff too that wasn't absolutely necessary - mandarins for fruit snack, props for the kids' Books of the Bible performance, and more. When I got home, my front door was wide open. I went out the garage rather than the front door and Bailey was still in there - after I had looked that morning! I just laughed it off. Thank goodness I had turned around. Later, Aldo said that Bullet was still in the house when he got home after his work meeting. <sigh>
The next day, we had a make-up day planned. I remembered my box. I checked for Bullet (he was on the couch). I checked the garage for Bailey - she wasn't there. When I got to school, I realized… I didn't change out the curriculum. I have the kids' books, I know what we're doing, but I don't have the instructions for them. Normally I could guess, and that's what I did on some stuff, but I couldn't do that the entire day. Way to use the make-up day, Erryn. So we went on a field trip. To my house. Luke already knows most of the stuff, so I mainly explained the incubator and chicken growth to Xavier. They loved holding the chicks, X was a little freaked out at first. We fed old bread to the birds in back, pet the horses and had a graham cracker snack on the ride back. When we went upstairs first, Bailey was there. So not only did I forget to change out the instructions, I forgot the dog again!
Thank goodness there was a weekend in between right? Doesn't matter. Monday morning I was determined not to forget a single thing. I checked, double checked, triple checked. I had it all. I looked in the garage. I uncovered mom's bed looking for Bailey. I counted dogs outside and saw all three. I was so happy, I told Aldo on the way to school how happy I was and that I didn't care if we were a few minutes late because I didn't forget anything that morning. Don't speak too soon. When I walked through the door, the box felt light. I checked inside - books were there, instructions were not. I went out to the car because I know I had the purple folder of everything else crazy in my life, maybe I put the black one with it. I had had the black folder IN MY HAND that morning, and had left it on the chair at home. I was distraught and upset! This is the THIRD time! You would think someone would learn! Pat squeezed me tight and said - It's alright sweetie, you're stressed. It would have been ok if that was the rest of that day because I was able to wing it. I knew the story of the animal character. I could easily guess the directions of most of the pages I had planned. One of the girls remembered the Bible story, which I was able to look up. I even had an art project ready to do. But X had some issues outside with obedience (he had turned on the lawn mower and wouldn't turn it off or get off) and then later threw scissors at Luke's head. Pat's mother-in-law had some medical issues and the house was filled with police and ambulance drivers. I had all the kids, who were distracted and distracting to each other the rest of the day. Finally, Richard sent them home early because he was leaving. I couldn't get a hold of the boys' ride. It was a stressful day!
Side Note: You know that every year there are things that try to prevent us from going to youth camp, being thrilled about camp, being distracted or feeling unprepared. Last year there was a tornado! There have been times when we're praying about having enough councilors. Vans and car trouble on the way there. It's absolutely nuts!
This time around has been one of the craziest (minus a tornado). We're battling medical issues individually. We are barely seeing finances because the church has recently purchased a building and we're still trying to get into it… so there is no camp budget. And it's hard to fundraise when all of the congregation has been putting money into the building. And there's a battle in the spirit… making us feel like because of this or this, maybe we aren't fit to minister.
So the reoccurring topic for me has been 1) the Armor of God and putting it on, 2) standing firm, believing God has it in His hands, and lately 3) my devotion time and prayer.
I had a dream that at camp during the girls' workshop, Miss C was preaching. And out of nowhere I felt I needed to take the microphone and say something. And something bubbled out of me that I couldn't hold in because I was so passionate about it and it was what God was speaking to me and gave me. So since that dream, I've been a tad nervous about - Am I going to take the microphone? What has God been speaking to me? I usually study some things… I usually plan some things… I feel like I fail in devotions every time when I lead those…
Maybe it's better not to plan this time and just let the Lord lead me. That way I can totally confirm 100% that it wasn't me or my words or my studying or someone else's words; it was wholly God.
This might get a little detailed…
After the last appointment with the sono, I noticed that something was a bit not right. I thought it had to do with pregnancy so I waited for a time. Then, I decided maybe I better look it up just in case, but nothing made sense on the internet. With the family trip coming up, I didn't want doctors appointments getting in the way or be stressed out, so we decided to wait until my next visit to the OB and mention something. Apparently I have a cyst that is blocking by urethra. I'm able to pee, but not in a straight line. And all this time I thought Man, I'll never get the hang of this.. peeing in a cup (at doctor visits). She sent me to a specialist in the immediate next few days.
It's not painful. It wasn't caused by baby and it's not affecting baby. But, if it got bigger, it could give me some kidney issues, etc. It could push on my bladder. It could send me into pre-term labor. The specialist said that normally he would remove it right then and there, but I'm pregnant (at the time 24-25 weeks). Local anesthesia would cross the blood barrier. I am scheduled to go in for surgery Wednesday, May 6 and I'll have an IV that will put me in almost a comatose state…?
The days following of this information, I guess it hadn't hit me yet because I was ok. Then one night the fear hit me that this could possibly put stress on the baby. So at a camp meeting, they prayed over me, and I've felt much better about it ever since. Recently I'm feeling excited. ? I know craaazy, right? Who would feel excited about surgery? I think I'm excited that it'll be gone and we can go back to normal life. That I'll have Aldo home for three days straight. And that I won't have to teach school, so long weekend for me! Hip hip hooray!
Second recent issue - Stress.
I would have blamed pregnancy brain if it hadn't gone on for so long. Last Wednesday, I was driving to school and realized half-way that I forgot the school curriculum. My entire box of plans and the kids' workbooks. Something I take to "work" every day. It was interesting because I remembered all of the extra stuff too that wasn't absolutely necessary - mandarins for fruit snack, props for the kids' Books of the Bible performance, and more. When I got home, my front door was wide open. I went out the garage rather than the front door and Bailey was still in there - after I had looked that morning! I just laughed it off. Thank goodness I had turned around. Later, Aldo said that Bullet was still in the house when he got home after his work meeting. <sigh>
The next day, we had a make-up day planned. I remembered my box. I checked for Bullet (he was on the couch). I checked the garage for Bailey - she wasn't there. When I got to school, I realized… I didn't change out the curriculum. I have the kids' books, I know what we're doing, but I don't have the instructions for them. Normally I could guess, and that's what I did on some stuff, but I couldn't do that the entire day. Way to use the make-up day, Erryn. So we went on a field trip. To my house. Luke already knows most of the stuff, so I mainly explained the incubator and chicken growth to Xavier. They loved holding the chicks, X was a little freaked out at first. We fed old bread to the birds in back, pet the horses and had a graham cracker snack on the ride back. When we went upstairs first, Bailey was there. So not only did I forget to change out the instructions, I forgot the dog again!
Thank goodness there was a weekend in between right? Doesn't matter. Monday morning I was determined not to forget a single thing. I checked, double checked, triple checked. I had it all. I looked in the garage. I uncovered mom's bed looking for Bailey. I counted dogs outside and saw all three. I was so happy, I told Aldo on the way to school how happy I was and that I didn't care if we were a few minutes late because I didn't forget anything that morning. Don't speak too soon. When I walked through the door, the box felt light. I checked inside - books were there, instructions were not. I went out to the car because I know I had the purple folder of everything else crazy in my life, maybe I put the black one with it. I had had the black folder IN MY HAND that morning, and had left it on the chair at home. I was distraught and upset! This is the THIRD time! You would think someone would learn! Pat squeezed me tight and said - It's alright sweetie, you're stressed. It would have been ok if that was the rest of that day because I was able to wing it. I knew the story of the animal character. I could easily guess the directions of most of the pages I had planned. One of the girls remembered the Bible story, which I was able to look up. I even had an art project ready to do. But X had some issues outside with obedience (he had turned on the lawn mower and wouldn't turn it off or get off) and then later threw scissors at Luke's head. Pat's mother-in-law had some medical issues and the house was filled with police and ambulance drivers. I had all the kids, who were distracted and distracting to each other the rest of the day. Finally, Richard sent them home early because he was leaving. I couldn't get a hold of the boys' ride. It was a stressful day!
Side Note: You know that every year there are things that try to prevent us from going to youth camp, being thrilled about camp, being distracted or feeling unprepared. Last year there was a tornado! There have been times when we're praying about having enough councilors. Vans and car trouble on the way there. It's absolutely nuts!
This time around has been one of the craziest (minus a tornado). We're battling medical issues individually. We are barely seeing finances because the church has recently purchased a building and we're still trying to get into it… so there is no camp budget. And it's hard to fundraise when all of the congregation has been putting money into the building. And there's a battle in the spirit… making us feel like because of this or this, maybe we aren't fit to minister.
So the reoccurring topic for me has been 1) the Armor of God and putting it on, 2) standing firm, believing God has it in His hands, and lately 3) my devotion time and prayer.
I had a dream that at camp during the girls' workshop, Miss C was preaching. And out of nowhere I felt I needed to take the microphone and say something. And something bubbled out of me that I couldn't hold in because I was so passionate about it and it was what God was speaking to me and gave me. So since that dream, I've been a tad nervous about - Am I going to take the microphone? What has God been speaking to me? I usually study some things… I usually plan some things… I feel like I fail in devotions every time when I lead those…
Maybe it's better not to plan this time and just let the Lord lead me. That way I can totally confirm 100% that it wasn't me or my words or my studying or someone else's words; it was wholly God.
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