Luke, the Kindergartener

My prayers came true.

1. Went as natural as possible. (Wasn't given Petosin. Had the epidural, but just in the knick of time.)
2. My water broke on its own. (Not in the way I expected, where it would be in the middle of the night at home, or cause a scene at Walmart or at Luke's enrollment…)
3. AND THE BIG ONE… WE WERE ABLE TO SEE LUKE GET ON THE BUS!!

I was kind of upset about giving birth on August 10th because generally after giving birth you stay in the hospital for two days. So we would leave on August 12th, which was Luke's first day of school. We wouldn't get out until the afternoon… we'd be lucky if we saw him get off the bus. BUT, that's not what happened. I asked the nurse when we went in on August 9th how many days she expected us to be at the hospital. She said that some people could go home a day early if both the mom and baby were healthy and the doctors signed off on it. And that's what happened! So we got to see Luke go to school. Kind of an unspoken rule or right of passage or something for parents of first-time bus riders/kindergarteners. 

That morning Daddy surprised us with chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Luke already had his bag packed and everything. I kind of failed in one area in that he didn't have a First Day of School Outfit, but we made it work with his cool shark shirt. Luke didn't have to get on the bus until 8:00am. We went down a little early - glad we did though because the bus came early (and has ever since…). Luke gets on at 7:45-7:50am. Luke was so excited AND he got to choose where he sat, which was right at the front of the bus, next to the bus driver. My child… who would be excited to sit next to the bus driver? My child. He's so precious. I love him! Mila was there too with us and she was a perfect sister, sleeping quietly, letting Luke have his big moment.

First Day Pictures 

August 12, 2015 • Kindergarten 

 First Time on the Bus

The house was quiet. At 4:00, we were eager to pick Luke up at the end of the drive. Mila and I sat on the front porch looking for the bus while Aldo played with Bullet. When we saw the bus in the distance, we began to walk down and we reached the end of the drive way at the same time Luke did. I wish I would have caught a picture (I recorded a video, but accidentally hit the record button twice. So when I thought I was recording I wasn't. And when I thought I shut it off, I was recording feet and grass.) - When Luke got home, he looked like he spent a full day in school… his hair was WINDED! He looked like a cute peacock. He told me that he made four friends - Westin, I can't remember the names of the middle two, and Porter (originally he told me the name was "Quarter… like the money", but we figured out the real name later). He also told me what he had for lunch. That's about all he remembered.

The next day, he made another friend - Aden, who rides the bus with him. (Since then he has made plenty of friends and even wrote their names down on a list.) Some of the things he says he's done at school are: read "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" and search for the letters of the alphabet, do exercises in P.E., check out one book at a time from the library, play the drums in music class, push the letter Q over and over and the apple button over and over in computer class, play games in computer class, play with the blocks in down time, and run from girls during recess. We went to Parent Night the other day to meet his teacher (who we already know because I used to work with her at the library) and to find out more about how their day goes. They're still trying to get in the swing of things. Mrs. Eder said that at first Luke was quiet, but this past week he's been getting more out of his shell. She also said that she has no worries about Luke, he's way ahead of the game - you can tell someone worked with him on reading. (That would be ME at homeschool last year. And this summer before I allowed him to play any games on iPads or phones, he had to read some pages from Dr. Seuss. Who's the bomb dot com?)

Luke's List of Friends

(Talin, Aden, Berit, Macy, Violet, Westin, Porter, Julia and Mila)

But he loves school. He's excited to go in the mornings and never wants to miss the bus (which we've almost done already…). And when he gets home, he's excited to be home with us because the days are long. I can't wait until he really gets into the swing of things. And when he starts learning, and sharing, and going on trips, and making things. He's going to have so much fun. I'm proud of you my big Kindergartener!

Best quote so far… 

Me: Luke, what did you learn at school today?

Luke: Ohhh yeah… "Dismissal" means you get to go home!

(Nice Luke. Real nice. That's a word everyone should know… and what even adults look forward to.)

Postpartum Is Real

These past two weeks have been a struggle.

• We had a newborn at home. With that comes late nights, breastfeeding issues (tenderness, getting "the latch", making sure she's getting enough, etc.), fitting your schedule to hers, financial stress, your body feeling like it's falling apart pains because its trying to go back to normal, and so on.
• We had a five-year-old start school. It was quiet. Where was my little boy? We had to change our schedule again to meet his new schedule as well, and also make time to show him attention too. And school is also another financial stress.
• General home-being-messy stress.
• Mom decided to have a well put in (or made operational at least) for the animals to get water. When the guy dug the hole, he hit the gas line. So we don't have hot water. That means no hot showers. My one stress-reliever and me-time was taken away… 
• POSTPARTUM EMOTIONS

Postpartum is real. Yes, all of the top bullet points probably had some effect on my emotions, but if you took them all away I believe I still would have postpartum. If it weren't real, how come so many doctors and hospitals call to check on you? How come there are so many meetings and groups that get together to talk about it? How come there are medications for it? How come there is so much, yet so little, information on it? Postpartum is real. I don't think it was much of a big deal with Luke, but with Mila these past two weeks have been a real struggle.

One of my friends described it perfectly. I am putting her words in here because they helped me so much and maybe I'll be able to have the words for someone else later. Also, for those who might not understand… this is what it is like -

Having experienced what you are now going through, I know what a lonely place it can be. Almost 'out of body'. At least for me. It was like I was living it and watching myself (because it was not me) all at the same time. I am not sure if this is what you are experiencing. But know that I am here to listen. And not judge. Email or call and vent anytime. And I believe Aldo is a lot like C----. Keep the lines of communication open and he will be there for you. C---- said he felt helpless at times. I was so weepy and he hurt for me. And then I could just be angry. For no reason. But during that time, none of the normal things seemed to help. There is an end in sight. Childbirth reeks havoc on our hormones. But it may take time. And if you get to a point where you are just not feeling better, please talk with your Dr. There is no reason to suffer through this. Not when you can get help. It does not mean you are weak. Please know I am here for you! 

 And in another response -

More women go through this than are willing to admit. Society makes it seem like we are weak. Or there is something wrong with US. We have no control over this. Do they think we CHOOSE to feel this way? It feels awful. Then we feel guilty because we are not living in the bliss and joy we did the first time. It is such a roller coaster. (In response to a vent about Aldo irritating me and not knowing what to do)... Men can be very one dimensional. And yes, they need [things] spelled out. And yes you are right, it is hard when you don't even know yourself. Sometimes what was the best for me was just to be held for a long while; I am talking 5-15 minutes. Let me cry. Or hug me till the anger went away. Kind of like a small child throwing a tantrum because they feel out of control. No, I never threw a tantrum, but it sure would have felt good! But the human hug, touch and holding does so much to calm is. Even in anger. But you have to ask for it and then give into it. Close your eyes, breathe and focus on the touch and comfort. Because isn't that the bottom line? We feel out of control and we just want our human protector, out spouse, to comfort us and let us know they support us (even if they don't understand).  

She's Here!

Now: At Home & 3 Days Old
We're home! And things are fantastic. Mila is the cutest baby girl I have ever seen. I can't stop looking at her. I love holding her and feeling her weight, the little that it is, laying on me. Watching her bottom lip curl under her top gums. I could go on and on. Today I came to the conclusion that this WAS all GOD-PLANNED. Luke started school on Wednesday. Had I not been pregnant, the last couple of days I would have been completely lost. Not knowing what to do. Probably would have gone back to work part-time. Would have been emotional. But the day I watched my first baby get on the bus (AND Aldo got to share in this moment too! How many dads get to say that??) is the day I got to learn more about my second baby and change the house around for her to be at home with me. What an awesome plan!

Mila Rose Alvidrez 

"First Sunday in the World"

So, before I forget, although I don't think I ever will because of how many times I've had to repeat it, here is the birth story. And for the record, yes, I believe every pregnancy and delivery is different. (From beginning to end Luke and Mila have been like night and day.) You'll see why in the following...

40 Weeks, 4 Days 
Not sure if I ever mentioned it before, but the original "induction date" would have been July 30th. But since I hadn't dilated any, Dr. Holmes and I decided it would be best to hold out. Good thing we did because I ended up being four days overdue. Mila would've been only 5lbs had I gone that early! Anyway, the plan was unless I go naturally, I would check in at the hospital on the 9th to get Cervidil (helps me dilate) and on Monday, August 10th be induced. I prayed and prayed about that going naturally part - I so wanted my water to break on its own.

Sunday the 9th came. Aldo and I went to church, afterward went out to eat a huge Mexican meal (recommended because I wouldn't get much to eat later that night), drove past his mom's but no one was home, and drove back to our house. We took naps at different times, I went upstairs and told Luke I was leaving to pick up Mila, we took some final pregnancy pictures, and made our way to Menorah.

Super Pregnant. 

Ready to Have a Baby!

While Aldo parked the car, I went to check-in but the signs led me to an information desk that no one  was posted at and Aldo ended up beating me to the place we were supposed to go. They led us to our room, which we were in for the entire stay, and immediately things began rolling. I had to wear a gown (the kind with the back side wide open), and have the whole planned scenario explained again. The schedule was as follows: check-in at 7:30pm, have Cervidil put in, next day at 6:00am have Cervidil removed, take shower, at 6:30am get Petosin, and at 7:00am induce. Cervidil, best I can describe it, is like a tampon with medicine around it. It's supposed to be like a slow starting agent that causes the cervix to dilate; it should get you to measuring about 2 or 3cm. Petosin is like the igniter that gets the process moving at a rapid pace and I think it's just a medicine that goes through an IV.

So... Cervidil sucks. If I could pick out the worst part of the birthing experience, that would be it. Shortly after we arrived, that little piece of devastation was put in and I was told I could not move for two hours. In those hours I was checked on repeatedly by nurses; my blood pressure checked, temperature, and both of our heart rates monitored, as well as my contractions. (It turns out I was having more than just Braxton Hicks! The contractions I was having before were sooo mild that I thought it was Mila expanding/stretching so much that it left my stomach uncomfortable and crampy, made my back ache and cause me to feel like I needed to pee.) As the Cervidil did its job, I started to feel the contractions more and more. After the two hours were up, I was told I could eat something small and by midnight everything was cut off but ice chips. For the rest of the time my focus would be on resting. I had ice cream, jello, apple juice and water as fast as I could cram it all in. So midnight came and Aldo and I were awake with anticipation; it was hard to rest. But we managed. Aldo was able to sleep, enough that he started snoring. I, on the other hand, was bored, the room wasn't dark enough or quiet enough, and Aldo wasn't sleeping next to me in the same bed. I managed to sleep for about 15 minutes. When I woke up I realized that the contractions were a little more intense. To where it was really hurting in my groin area (imagine you're a Barbie doll and the legs have been snapped off - it was the inner part of the leg area that hurt) and in my lower back. My stomach was tightening/hardening but it didn't hurt in the belly area. When I mentioned it to the nurse they said they could still give me some medicine. But it wouldn't be for pain, it would be to help me sleep... so I turned it down. If the pain was gone, I could sleep no problem. I thought I could hold out a few more hours til the doctor came in the morning.

I can't tell you the exact time (I think it was around 2 or 3am) that I woke Aldo up from crying and humming in pain because my cramps were so bad. We called the nurse to ask for pain medicine. She said she would have to ask. Or told me to give it 20 minutes or something like that. She came back shortly after saying that they were watching my contractions on their monitor at the nurses' station and that they were too close together and too often, so they were going to pull the Cervidil early. Well, they couldn't reach it. She couldn't get the string. Horror. She went and got the head nurse, who also couldn't get it her first try. Dread. She tried again and I had a contraction at the same time. An absolute nightmare! I about died that day. And to top it off, the head nurse told me afterwards not to "bear down". "Because it will cause the cervix to swell and all that dilation we worked hard for will go away." SHE about died that day. Then they measured me. I was at 4cm.

They went away again because taking the Cervidil out would slow down contractions. I think they lied - the contractions never decreased in number, timing, or in intensity. When they came back in to check on me I was worse off than before. Contractions were on top of contractions. I was measuring 7cm. (Side note: earlier I had gone to the bathroom and was able to go #2. I didn't want the embarrassment of going while giving birth. So I was excited about that. I was disappointed now though that I couldn't take a shower anymore, especially because I felt even more unclean from pooping. But at least I wouldn't have to GO during birth.) They said I didn't need Petosin anymore, rather I needed to slow down. And, would I like an epidural? Yes! By all means Yes!!! I was scared; I was at a 7!!! And if I didn't get it now, I would miss my chance! So they left again to order that.

The anesthesiologist took his sweet time getting there. When he did, I was at 9cm. The nurses kept telling me not to push. "Pretend to blow out the birthday candles." If it feels like I need to poop, hold back. As I sat, prepped for the needle to go in my back, stuck with my legs hanging out on the edge of the bed, having these contractions (Oh, and my body was in so much pain, after each contraction it would cause me to shake uncontrollably. I remember telling Aldo I was so embarrassed by it. I didn't know what was happening. I thought I might be going into shock. Well, it's completely natural and it's from a ton of hormones.), the anesthesiologist asked me questions. I couldn't even answer! Words couldn't come out. If my eyes were open and I wasn't fully concentrated on "blowing out the candles" and not pushing, I would have daggered him with my eyes. I was so mad. Why wouldn't you give me the medicine first and then do all the concent and paperwork?! I already answered that I'm not allergic to anything. Don't you guys communicate?! While that was going on the two nurses ended up giving me something that spaced contractions apart. That right there was my saving grace. It at least bought me some time in between the pains. And it kicked in so I could answer some of his stupid questions near the end. The epidural would take 20 minutes to kick in. I prayed that it would kick in before I had a baby. Otherwise it was all for nought. And again the epidural didn't take on the right side, which I informed the guy about. And I could still feel my front pains. The back was probably higher priority for me than the front, but still, the epidural should have taken care of it. His answers: give it time (the right side) and stick a catheter in, you have the urge to pee (front pains). One - time didn't work, I knew he had to pull the thingy out to even it out or I had to lay on my side, which the nurses eventually made me do later on. And two - they stuck a catheter in me (Yay! More pain! Not.) and I barely peed. The front pain remained.

Eventually I got to the point where I was laying in a bearable position; laying on my left side, gripping a pillow for my dear life, holding onto the rail on the side of the bed every time a contraction came along. The nurses informed me that they called the doctor and she would be in at 7:00 am as planned. I was holding out til then. And in the meantime, hoping that Mila would move down some and be ready for delivery (the reason for my front and back pain was she was in the "posterior" position, and switching from side to side would help move her down more). When Dr. Holmes got there, I was at 9, almost 10cm. She wanted to give me 20-30 minutes, but I forget why. Five minutes later my water broke. Everyone was out of the room at the time. I remember laying there, looking at Aldo, saying and I quote, "Babe... I think my water just broke." What do you mean? "Something just leaked out of my butt. I'm pretty sure my water broke." Quizzical look. "I promise I didn't push. Can you please get a nurse to see if my water broke?" Sure enough it did. (The water in back, which is why there wasn't a huge gush. The doctor and nurses had to remove the rest of it. And Aldo overheard that they said it was "slippery".) After that Dr. Holmes started getting on her scrubs and stuff for delivery and I was put in the blue stirrups.

Before going right into it, she asked if I remembered anything from Luke's birth. Nope. Nada thing. So for future reference (although at the beginning of this story I said every pregnancy and delivery is different... I don't know how much help this will be for the future. And, not sure if we're having more or stopping at two...), at every contraction (and there should be space in between them) you push three times. You hold the pushes for 10 seconds as you're not blowing your air out. I imagine you could bust a blood vessel, better yet a butt vessel. I couldn't feel much, thank goodness the epidural kicked in just in time. Push like you're pooping. It's weird when you have an epidural because you don't know if you're "pooping" or not. You hope that as you pretend to squeeze that your body is doing the right thing. At four pushes the doctor could see her hair. And the doctor thought I could get her out on the fifth (or fifth set of three). On the second count I ran out of air. But, it was kind of cool because I felt her head stuck in my bones! Sixth push she was out. At 7:54am (sorry mom, not 8:10 or 7:25 like you wanted) on August 10th, 2015 our daughter Mila Rose Alvidrez was born. She weighed 8lbs and 2oz. Measured 20 inches. She was put on me immediately, covered in grossness and everything. But she was beautiful!

First Picture Ever

Baby Alvidrez

Not long after, she started rooting on her own and breastfed like a professional. The rest is a blur. Time kind of doesn't pass or passes too quickly. I was encouraged to keep track of her feeding and pooping and wets. Every 2-3 hours she should be eating. Five to ten minutes on each breast. Burp in between. Order food before the cafeteria closes. Announce to everyone the news. And answer when they respond back. Answer nurse pain scale questions and have blood pressure and temperature constantly taken. That was our job. Mila ended up staying in our room the entire time; we never sent her to the nursery. She never really wore us out. She was so peaceful. Our guests on the other hand… they at least wore ME out! The very first visitor, at probably 10:00am, was no one other than Pastor Sharon. Our other visitors the first day were: Lily and Veronica (who got to see Mila have her first bath); Mom, Luke and Granddad; Maecy; Mitzy and Chloe; and Lalo. The next day our visitors were: Dad; Stacia and the girls; Veronica again; Lily again; and the Cubbages (who helped us pack up and leave). Because the Gutierrez family and Cameron were in Florida on a family vacation, we only got to FaceTime with them during the hospital stay.

First Bath

AND SHE LOVED IT!!

She even liked having her hair brushed <3

The days following our visitors were: the Gutierrez family at their house; Granddad and Millie randomly showing up at our house; Ruby and the kids (when they weren't sick any more) at our house; Aldo's mom and sister again at their house with the kids; Maria (the day before she left for Texas); and Dad, Ann and family at Waffle House.

 

* Two of My Favorites - He Adores His Sister *

Note: It took me a while to type all of this out… so visitors and pictures are from August 10th - August 19th, which is past the date that I "published" this blog entry.

She certainly is "Loved by the People"

Moments of Frustration

ONE DAY OVERDUE

I hate that I can't do anything to start this process.
The waiting game sucks.
I don't want to play any more.

3 Things I Don't Care For

40 Weeks

1. All of these zits. I have never had so many zits in all my life, at one time or maybe even altogether. They're not even staying in the "T Zone"; they're on my shoulders, mid back, neck, behind my ears, belly, center of cheek.... There are some in my eyebrows and so now my eyebrows have bald spots.

2. Thinking I'm at a certain place in labor and the doctors say different. I thought I lost the plug and that I would be starting to dilate soon, and that she was really low. Everyone says I'm lower than the last week, she's "dropped", and so on. The last time I went to the doctor, she said I was still at a .5cm and that she hasn't dropped yet. I don't understand how that can be. I just don't understand. And I thought that the second one comes earlier and quicker. And that girls are higher anyway. My due date is tomorrow, August 6th!

3. Not knowing between real contractions and fake ones. No one seems to be able to describe these for me. And it sucks. I can tell if I'm having Braxton Hicks, real contractions, or just nausea and upset stomach and back pain. I thought I did myself a favor by describing them in Luke's blog book... "My belly goes from basketball to football." But this time around there's nothing even close to that. It's more of... Incredible back pain all the time (could be from the way I sit on the couch or bed), cramps that last anywhere from 7-60 seconds, and nausea. But then she moves and I just can't tell anything apart. Ugh...

By the way, none of the Old Wives Tales work.
- pineapple
- spicy food
- walking
- dancing
- butterfly exercises
- yoga ball
- intimacy
- peeing
- laughing
- ankle pressure points
- massage

The only thing I didn't try was castor oil and acupuncture! <sigh>
She's never going to be here!!!!!!!! :(