Christmas Traditions

What a beautiful Christmas. Probably one of my top favorites in recent years.

I think a lot of the time we remember what it was like during our childhood and wish for our Christmas futures to turn out somewhat the same. We want our kids to have the same memories that filled us with so much joy and family tradition.
At my Grammy and Grandad's house we always ate some meal together (except my little family of Mom, me and Maecy was always late), took pictures on the stairs with all the generations - after having to explain to the elders how to operate the camera or figure out the timer, opened presents in the living room (kids on the hideously green shag carpet), and the rest of the day playing card games at the dining room table or play with our new toys and gadgets. As a young kid all I ever wanted to do was sit at the adult table to eat and hear the big, adult conversations and play "Up and Down the River".
Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's was probably more like how other cultures imagine an American Christmas. We would sit down at the long table and pass around the meal, scooping our portions onto our plate. The children only talked when the adults asked questions. Afterward we would go in the living room and open presents all at once. The room was filled with Christmas decorations, but the best of all was the Christmas tree. It's the most breakable and most beautiful Christmas tree I've ever seen in my life. All white ornaments and lights. No games or anything, but there was a table covered in every delicious desert in the dining room. Sometimes prior Christmas we would spend an entire day making povatisa bread at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Another favorite thing - and you can count on it being the best since my family spent years improving the recipe and found the best way to get it done. Kind of like Aldo's family knows how to make tamales the best way. And last, in your stocking, you would always find an ornament, hand-picked by Grandma, especially for you. Mine was a Precious Moments ornament. Always.

From what I've heard, Aldo's Christmas with his family has always been a bit different. Different culture, different traditions. Aldo's mom would make a red soup with cow's stomach called pasole. (Sorry, I can't tell you if that's the correct spelling.) They would spend all day Christmas Eve  playing games and singing karaoke, maybe even dancing, waiting to open gifts at midnight. And they open gifts one at a time.

In past years we've figured out our schedule as a young couple... Christmas Eve at his family's, Christmas at mine, and New Year's at Aunt Dolores' because my Grandma and Grandpa don't always have Christmas at their house any more. With a child and making side dishes or even the main dish, it's difficult to go to every Christmas celebration. Rather than spending a few quick hours everywhere and feeling rushed and overwhelmed, we would rather spend a good long time hanging out, making memories and unfortuneatley missing out on another. This year we had a new baby though. Two kids. Our little family is growing. It's about time we came up with our own Christmas traditions for our kids. I looked some up and a lot of them we already do. Christmas meals. Open a gift at midnight. Pictures by the Christmas tree. But none of them stand out for us. There were some things I liked but they're not Christmas morning per se: see Christmas lights, watch Christmas movies, gingerbread houses (we do this already), first present of new pajamas (we have a friend that does this and I'm not a copycat), adopt a family, go to Christmas morning church service (already do), etc. So what should our family do???
WE NOW HOLD A CHRISTMAS PRESENT TREASURE HUNT. Rather than waking up and tearing the wrapping off of all our gifts and then feeling remorseful all day, we've figured out a way to draw out the excitement a little bit.

I'll tell it from the beginning. This year Aldo was off three days in a row. I've learned that it's easier to start Christmas shopping in September and buy online and have things shipped straight to my door than going out, traveling all over the city looking for that one thing... So I definitely did that again this year. Had everything under the tree and wrapped (except the couple from Santa) by the weekend. Wednesday could have been a stay-at-home and bum day, but we hadn't spent any time with our friends. I think they were feeling neglected, so we went to the movies Wednesday morning. Mila's first movie theater showing was "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens". A big deal this year. It was kind of perfect because our son's name is Luke and I always kidded that we should name our daughter Leia. But we're not big, big fans so that would have been silly. Mila slept for a good portion. And then watched intensely the second portion. Never thought this day would come, but I breastfed in public. In a public place. Not in a car. Or in a back room. However, it was dark and loud. Nobody could really be interrupted by her and I wouldn't get rude glares. It wasn't until the last 30 minutes (we were there over two hours) that Aldo and I had to stand up with her and walk around near the exit to keep her from crying, where she fell asleep again. Afterward, we went back to their house and played "Up and Down the River". Yes, my craving for the game of the old days had been satisfied. And I won! (I kept score. I forever hold to the theory that "scorekeeper always wins".) We didn't intend on it, but we stayed until dark.

Thursday was Christmas Eve. Since Lily missed out on Thanksgiving this year, no pasole, but turkey again for the celebration. I can't recall what we did all morning, but before we left in the afternoon Aldo made potatoes and we headed over at 2:30 pm to play games until midnight. Everyone must have been a little "off". We found out that Alex already received the gift we got him, so we stopped at Walmart just in time before closing. Lily had to work extra hours. Veronica had to last minute take her kids to another Christmas. Aldo had to pick up his dad and then get turkey gravy from somewhere that was still open. Mitzy just decided they weren't coming until later I guess. Like usual, dinner wasn't until later. But much later. I don't think we ate until 10 o'clock hit. Cold food, but still not bad. We bought the game "Pit" for the Alvidrez/Hernandez house. They're a people that like their fast-paced, loud, schemish games... So it was a perfect choice. We didn't play until 10:30ish. And I could've been disappointed in their lack of involvement, and lack of loudness, but I wasn't - everyone was just tired. Instead of midnight, we opened gifts at 11:00. One at a time. So a lot of tradition was set aside.......... And I kind of missed it. But........ I decided days before - sometimes I get aggravated at the lack of games at my mom's Christmas, the lack of planning at Aldo's family's Christmas, and I hate to admit this, but the same present I got the year before (lotion or something). I decided I wasn't going to be a Scrooge. I wasn't going to be disappointed. I wasn't going to be depressed. I was going to embrace Christmas. Because days before I was reminded that America is the richest nation. And that when you compare the $11/hour our lower class makes to the $3/day some people in Mexico make to the other nations that don't have clean water or a carpeted floor or a cushioned bed, we are a rich country. I decided there is more to life than not getting to play the game you want and instead listening to the most boring conversation of rental houses and the improvements they need. There is more than not starting the day at the exact time you want. There is more than a $20 gift card you want. I would be happy and embrace the Christmas and the people I get to spend it with. Now, looking back, much of the Christmas Eve was spent looking at family albums. Reminiscing. Awwww...

Christmas morning Aldo went to church service and let the rest of us sleep in. Thanks, babe! Our plan was to have a relaxing morning alone with our own family, but instead, when he got back, we went over to Granddad's for a breakfast that Granddad decided to have last minute. We got home and did our "Christmas present treasure hunt".... Our new family tradition!, helped mom clean the upstairs, made our side of salad, and waited. Waited. Waited. For the rest of the family to arrive to open presents under the tree.

Family traditions.
I can't say it enough. You expect certain things. And when something doesn't meet that expectation it could throw off your whole day. I think that's the theme of my Christmas this year: letting go of my Christmas expectations. And I'll tell you, it could have been a disaster. Awkwardly, we were opening Christmas gifts for ourselves as strangers and family who didn't have gifts were arriving and watching. How do you make it look like it's not about the gifts, when it truly is not about the gifts to you, but it seems that it is about the gifts because people are there while you alone are opening gifts? And you just look like spoiled brats? And you're also trying to go quickly, only to get it over with so it isn't awkward anymore. But instead it looks like you're looking for that one gift you want and are unhappy with anything prior, and a selfish, greedy person because you aren't thanking anyone. !!! It was so difficult for me. I do not know who gave Luke some of his gifts because he went through them so fast, because I was trying to go through mine, and get Mila to stop crying. Another thought: You just can't please everybody. No matter hard you try (I am talking in any situation; not just the holidays) there will always be that one person that judges you. That looks at you and makes you feel like crud. But they are only looking at what they see. And they don't know you're heart, and they don't know the back story. They may call you "spoiled" and "wanting all the attention", but that is just simply not true. So don't become offended when you're called names, because they don't know what you've experienced in the past, even the past five minutes. They're sticking their foot in their mouths. But the next lesson is this: Don't become them. Don't judge others. Be kind. You don't know their story and what they're currently going through. And as I write this - isn't that the plot of Christmas with the Kranks?

We finally got into the other room to eat our Christmas meal. Turkey again. I sat at the kids table with Luke, Jenna and Aldo. The food wasn't half bad, even Granddad's runny green bean casserole (because he didn't drain the beans). After, I taught Maecy, Juan and Jenna how to play "Up and Down the River". Aldo played chess with Jerad. The old people played dominoes. Then, all the people played "Up and Down the River". (Granddad won. The scorekeeper.) Then everyone left and Jerad arrived back. So we played Split. Then a fishing dice game.

I guess when you let go of expectations... When you don't have any expectations, all expectations are met. You embrace Christmas. And a little "Up and Down the River" helps too.

Through the Camera Lens

Luke is about to get his first Christmas letter from the North Pole.

The other day - and I've thought about this a lot lately - I was thinking about when I'm recording things on my phone, or when I'm taking pictures... Sure, I've captured the moment, but did I get to experience the moment to its fullest potential, because I was taking the picture/video... Do I want to experience life through a lens or do I want to just experience life? Do I want to worry about lighting and angle and how weird I sound in the background, or do I just want to make a lasting memory? And it be one of those things I hold onto and share with just the other person(s) involved, and sometimes (because our memories aren't so good), the memory changes and evolves. "One year it snowed and I also walked to school" becomes "in my day I walked to and from school in five feet of snow up hill both ways..." That's obviously not true and an exaggeration. But my point is this.... Do I record this moment of Luke opening his card? And share it? Or is this one I keep for myself? I am his mother after all.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Minus the snow that is. Luke and I finally finished decorating the duct-taped Christmas tree we've had for forever. My M&M lights still around it. Luke made a sparkly pine cone somewhere and wanted it to be at the top where a star or angel would go... We don't have either one of those so the pine cone was fine with me. We decided we wanted a delicious tree after making our gingerbread house at the library, so Luke strategically placed candy canes around the tree (a big patch in front, not any on the bottom row or on the sides or backside) and today we strung popcorn (a measily string of popcorn because Mommy kept poking herself with the sewing needle, Mila was crying, and Luke wanted a snack). Poor tree is pitiful this year. Last year I think something happened and so there's red duct tape keeping it together, but it leans to the side. All things considered, I think we're anything but Scrooge's and Grinch's this year. So excited for family to open their gifts. From me... From Santa... The real one. (Luke told me no pictures at Cabela's this year... He's not the real Santa. So we wrote a letter to the real one and slipped it in the library's North Pole Express Mail. Luke's been good "300 days and wants a 'chransformer', Mila was good 3 days and wants a golden dress and a 'dipr'." We're waiting on our reply. But I do know Luke got an Optimus Prime and Mila got her diaper... Along with some other things.) I look forward to Christmas. There's nothing like planning out a really awesome gift or tying them together with some sort of theme. Tomorrow we'll be finishing off our shopping list. I'm excited. Have I said that enough? I'm excited! Somehow, it always works out, that we get to spend a little extra at this time of year and spoil each other. This time it's because I got a check back from Luke's ex-doctor because I overpaid for a bill in 2013. Seriously? Awesome!!

Yesterday Luke was in his first Christmas play. His part was one of the kids in the classroom. He had a few lines he shared with the other kids... "FRANKENSTEIN?!".... No. Frankincense. And he also sang "Joy to the World" in the microphone. The rest of the time he kind of stood there moving his lips and didn't do the movements too big. I think he got a little stage fright. But I was proud of him.

 

Daddy & Son Gingerbread House

Christmas Play @ CenterPointe (with friend, Ember Cubbage)

Today Mila is officially 18 weeks old. Doesn't sound like much, but I looked it up and there are a lot of big achievements in four months.

- She rolled over. I mean really rolled. One minute I had her on the blanket on her back, and the next minute she was in Luke's stuff a couple feet over. So now she can go from back to front (which she's been doing) and front to back, mostly in one direction though. I'll have to test that out.

- She recognizes Grammy's face, and Luke's face, and now (finally!) Daddy's face. She actually smiled at Daddy tonight. Outside I didn't make a big deal, but inside I was ecstatic! Finally! Finally! Finally! Is she a Daddy's girl? I know it would mean the world to him. And melt his heart. 

- Here's something I just read:

At this age, your baby is sleeping less, and she's awake for longer periods of the day. She's anxious to learn about her world and family, and she may not always be interested in your choice of game. If she turns her head and looks away, she's declaring she's ready to move on to something else. At only 11 weeks, she's got ideas of her own!

That's Mila for sure! Never wants to nap. Wants held, wants a toy, wants my food, wants to sit, wants my drink, wants to sit further, wants to play with her feet, wants her diaper changed after piddle... *sigh* ... Girl just knows what she wants.
- I also read that she now understands that when I'm talking I'm speaking in syllables. Whoa, right?! And so the process of learning the language and sounds, constants and vowels begins.
- She ate some cereal. Did alright. She's more impressed with the flavor of lemonade, and refried beans, and Panera's broccoli cheddar soup. A tooth isn't too far off, but I haven't seen any signs of one yet.

More to come…

Poodles

You know... Whenever I'm driving around, or in the shower, or have a moment to think freely (meaning I'm not putting together a subconscious check-list or to-dos, etc.), I think of blog titles. That and funny Facebook posts (that I never add because someone will take them the wrong way). So "Poodles". Why? Because I always thought they were a sassy dog. It might be because that's how they're portrayed... In movies wearing the big, pink bows and speaking in Parisian accents. Foo-fooey. So Mila got this hot pink stuffed poodle for her dedication - we call her Fifi. It's one of her favorites. I don't know why - I never liked poodles. It could be the curly hair on the top of her head. Or that she is an ELECTRIC PINK. Or that I make kissy sounds for her. But Mila loves her. And I never wanted poodle anything. They're just not my style. So when we were given bags upon bags of baby clothes, I didn't really want to keep the poodle-y onesies, or even the ballerina onesies. But I did. Because they fit and they were warm. One day I was explaining how Mila loves her doggie princess when Dad mentioned he used to have poodles. What?! How did I not know this?! Apparently my dad had poodles when he was younger. I then realized - I don't know a lot of things. I can't tell you my dad's job description. I can tell you that my grandpa is a first generation American, but I can't tell you where his parents immigrated from. I can tell you that one of my family members drove into a cow, but I can't tell you who. I can tell you about my Granddad falling in love with a snot-nosed (literally) little girl next door, which happened to be my Grammy. But I realize that there are a lot of stories I just don't know. And that's what I would like to keep track of in these blog books. Something to pass on to the generations. Right now I guess it just looks like I'm passing on crazy genes, but maybe a story or two will make it on a page.

Ballerina Mila

Now for the update:

Mila is exploring her facial expressions. Right now we are developing "The Pout". The other day Aldo coughed and she cried bloody murder. For a cough! It looked like someone pinched  her finger in the clippers type of crying. Broken heart crying. It was just pitiful. So Momma flew in to the rescue. And afterwards, she donned "the pout". It's a cross between a model pout and an upset face pout. Her bottom lip sticks out and the top one disappears. Lately she hasn't smiled, or talked, or furrowed her eyebrows, or anything like that to anyone who has held her. It's an indifferent look. The Pout. You know, it would be my child that would develop this facial expression. That and the "Eye Roll". Anyway, she  also has found her tongue. I can't really explain it, I have no idea what she's trying to do. It looks like she's making s fish face and then sticks out her tongue and sucks it back in, like she's tasting an itch on her lips. Weirdo. Must be inherited from Daddy.

Went to the doctor last week. We've actually been in and out of the doctor with ear infections, but this one was just the 4-month check-up. We can begin feeding her baby cereal. Start off soupy by adding breastmilk and slowly make it like the oatmeal we know. I don't remember this milestone with Luke. I just remember giving him peaches right away. Oops.

She's rolled over 5 times.

Mom watched her and Luke last night while Aldo and I went to his Christmas party for work. From what mom said, it sounded like Mila was good up until she realized I wasn't there. And then cried for the remaining time of the 3 total hours. There was no consoling her. And it was kind of funny when I came home... I took her into my arms and shushed her for a few seconds, and then plopped her on my bed where she was absolutely fine. Cooing like nothing happened.
... She's attached. I've known this, but now they see how attached she is. Now they see why it's so hard for me to go anywhere or get things done at home. She is a Momma's Girl. And I am the lucky Momma. For real, lucky Momma because I can't imagine her not being her. My beautiful Mila.

Oh! And the sleeping schedule that I didn't know when I went in for the last check up. Mila goes to sleep around 10-11:00. She sleep til about 8:00 (waking up briefly 1-3 times throughout the night). So that's a 9-10 hour sleep. She is awake for good at 10:00 am. We play, we shower, we do Tummy Time. We do the basic eat and get changed. This is her really awake time. She'll fall asleep somewhere in there but not for long. So I play with her more until she wears out. And from 2-4:00 pm she's sleeping again. When Luke gets home she's awake. I'd want to be awake for brother too. He's so interesting. She sleeps one more time for a short period around 8ish. I think her longest sleeping period during the day is about 2 hours at a time.

No updates for Luke or us, except that we're going through Financial Peace again. It's like we missed all the major things from the first class. So we're on a new budget trying to pay off this silly medical debt and car loan, trying to save for the future. We're thinking of you kids! Always thinking of you. Love you!

Stay-at-Home-Mom vs. The World

I could literally cry right now. Or throw something. Or scream in my pillow. And then cry. But I contain a lot of my feelings when I'm overwhelmed. Or mad. I'll work backwards.

Today I'm upset because Granddad just walked in and the house is a disaster. I mean bad. Old food bowls out, couch in disarray, wrappers on the floor with toys and blankets and clothes, shoes blocking the doors and throughout the living room so you will most definitely trip over them, and diaper stench coming from the kitchen. Thank goodness he didn't go further in... to Luke's room, our room, laundry room, kitchen or bathrooms. (That's our whole house!) I'm passed embarrassed - I'm depressed really. All I can think is - I was raised better than this. But I have no help. And its not their fault, they're busy or tired or just too young to know what I expect. Not only that but Luke has had a cough and runny nose (thank you public school) and all day Mila has been crying where nothing helps (not feeding, not diaper change, not switching how she's held, not even being with me, Mommy) because she's sick now too. Honestly I feel like a single parent. But with an income. And then I have all these other duties: take care of the animals in the morning, do the newsletter, make a flyer for church, the family needs laundry, but don't forget to feed yourself. Take care of yourself, Erryn. Make sure you're drinking enough water and eating right. And having Erryn time. That's honest to goodness advice I just got the other day. Yeah, thanks. That helps. <sarcasm if you didn't catch that>

I am overwhelmed. My energy is GONE. I would say more, but then one might think I was being a "drama queen". Not true. I'm not being dramatic at all on this. Let's move on.

Yesterday, a lady told me that quote at the library. We were just catching up. She saw me with a baby and asked whose it was. Mine. She looks just like me... Ninkumpoop. (But I didn't say that.) Well, she's been studying nursing so now she knows everything there is to know about bodies and behavior.
Mess-up #1 - she told me to watch my child like she would swing back in a tantrum, like I wasn't holding her properly.
Mess-up #2 - she said I looked "tired"
Mess-up #3 - when I said "yes, I am... (Are you for real? Duh. I have a baby.) lack of sleep and I might be low on iron... I'm going to test out a few things and if it doesn't help, I'm  going to ask my doctor when I go in next" she offered more advice ... "Don't wait," she said.

And, you know what she said later.. (Stated above). Get some time to yourself.
The greatest mess-up is offering advice to a new mom when it isn't asked for. That means it's UNWELCOME. You don't know the background story. I was so nice in my responses... Dr. Phil, Oprah, Jerry Springer... They all would have been so proud of me. And on the way home, going through the conversation in my head, I remembered... I've been through this before. When people gave parenting and medical advice with Luke.

You want to help out? Carry the movies over to the check out and type in the number for me. Then carry the bags to the car. You say I shouldn't let people hold the baby because her immune system isn't fully developed... Don't offer to hold her then. Come to my house and vacuum. Bring over a meal. Offer a play date for my other kid. This isn't just a reminder to reader, whoever you are, but myself too. I AM NOT GOING TO BE THAT PERSON - THE ONE WITHOUT TACT. I'd rather be thoughtful and a real, true friend. Just saying.

As I was typing this out earlier, the word "abandoned" came to mind. I kind of feel that way. But I realize now, that's how the enemy wants me to think. The enemy wants me to throw in the towel and become bitter, etc. etc. etc. This is what it isn't - "stay-at-home-mom vs. the world". This is what it is - "stay-at-home-mom in a season and overcoming obstacles because she knows who's on her side and she knows the future GUARANTEED". Boom-shakalaka! (The answer is God. God is the answer. He's on my side.)

Dang, I'm awesome. Emotions are moot.

(I should probably add another "label" called Emotions. Or Venting. Here on out....)

P.S. And it made me so sad that this post is before Thanksgiving too. Lame. Let's get through this season, ok?

Warnings to Motherhood

"The Ones We Don't Think About"

Regarding my 3 Month Old:

• It's obvious breastfeeding was going to have an effect on my body, but I didn't realize everything it encompasses. So rather than repeat myself on "soreness/tenderness", "leaking", "engorgement", I'll start with something you wouldn't think of - scratches. Like pins and needles. My little one abuses me before bed. While she nurses, she hits and grabs, and it's always on my boob. And watch out if you didn't trim her nails because those things will catch on your skin and dig! I've come up with a solution... Let her hold your finger. After several repeat beatings I did this and was like - Uh-duh!
• Breastfeeding also causes fatigue. They really do suck the energy out of you. And so Yay! I just read you can eat more frequently and/or more calories. I was seriously questioning why I was eating so much, well there you have it.
• You don't have a period. Say what?! How did I not know this? I think we have failed as a society in not informing our children.
• She's more "attached" to me. She has slept longer with us in our bed than Luke. And she finds more comfort in me holding her than Aldo or Grammy. It's kind of sad. Kind of depressing... In another "Oh, gosh! I'm going to have to wean her" kind of way.

Regarding my 5 Year Old:

• He just told me the other day that he didn't want to go to Cabela's to see Santa because he's not the real Santa. Oh man! It starts... He told me there's only one real Santa and a lot of pretend Santa's. So this year we are writing the North Pole. Luke has asked for "all of the transformers he is missing". And for Mila he asked for a golden dress. I wonder what Santa's response will be. But more importantly, who brought this to his attention? I knew he would learn things from the school kids... It's either them or Grammy. And as a parent, how long before you let your child know the truth?
• Going along with that subject of things they learn at school, did you know they begin to talk to kids about "proper" and "improper touches", and also boys' and girls' body parts in Kindergarten. I was honestly kind of surprised. But at the same time, these are the kinds of things parents need to talk to their kids about - as protectors and guardians...

Well, now I'm on a solemn note. Parenting.

I was thinking about breastfeeding in public...

I don't know why it came to Aldo's attention - maybe he was just curious and the article came up, but he had an epiphany that "breastmilk is liquid gold" after reading it. The article talked about all the things it does for baby as well as how it prevents cancer. I knew that. Why didn't he? Anyway, there was one benefit after another and at the end it was like - how could anyone give a mother a hard time for wanting to breastfeed her baby - public or not?

After reading it I was reminded of a picture I saw of a woman who was breastfeeding her baby in a bathroom stall. I've never had to do that, but I have had to breastfeed at another person's house and in an office with closed doors and in a break room with closed doors. Not every place you end up is the most comfortable psychologically or  physically. And I remember a friend of mine saying she would never breastfeed in a restroom. Now I've never done it, but I have changed Luke's diaper once on a bathroom floor and I hated that because it was hard and cold and those pads are so thin that come with the diaper bag. And it isn't the cleanest surface either. But you do what you gotta do. And so my opinion on breastfeeding and where you have to do it is the same. If a bathroom was all I had, that's where I would go. I mean if I didn't have a cover. If I had a cover I would breastfeed in public. If I didn't, you do what you gotta do... If all there is is a restroom, and there's no time... Sorry baby, I'm going to feed you and not make you wait.

But in regards to the public thing - how dare people shame women into feeling like they can't feed their babies in public with the best food option they can. Geez.

The opportunity came up again tonight. I went to a party of one of mom's high school friends. There were a lot of people I didn't know, or have seen briefly, celebrating out in a barn on a small farm. It was warm in the barn with space heaters and kind of chilly outside where the cars were parked. And as her feeding time was drawing near I thought, if I had a cover, I would breastfeed her right here. Probably in a corner so not to stick out. (It would be awkward if an older man came up to introduce himself and was completely oblivious to it and then halfway through conversation realized what was going on right in front of him. But is that "shameing" talking? Have I been shamed into feeling awkward for breastfeeding?) Instead I went to mom's car and sat in the back seat, behind tinted windows, in the dark and fed her. She didn't care. She fell asleep like a baby. :)

The more I do it, and the more we connect, or she looks up at me and smiles afterward, or the next time she searches for me when another is holding her - the more I see the importance of breastfeeding and the bond it gives you and your child. The more beautiful this thing has become. I'm telling you, there's nothing like it.