Postpartum Is Real

These past two weeks have been a struggle.

• We had a newborn at home. With that comes late nights, breastfeeding issues (tenderness, getting "the latch", making sure she's getting enough, etc.), fitting your schedule to hers, financial stress, your body feeling like it's falling apart pains because its trying to go back to normal, and so on.
• We had a five-year-old start school. It was quiet. Where was my little boy? We had to change our schedule again to meet his new schedule as well, and also make time to show him attention too. And school is also another financial stress.
• General home-being-messy stress.
• Mom decided to have a well put in (or made operational at least) for the animals to get water. When the guy dug the hole, he hit the gas line. So we don't have hot water. That means no hot showers. My one stress-reliever and me-time was taken away… 
• POSTPARTUM EMOTIONS

Postpartum is real. Yes, all of the top bullet points probably had some effect on my emotions, but if you took them all away I believe I still would have postpartum. If it weren't real, how come so many doctors and hospitals call to check on you? How come there are so many meetings and groups that get together to talk about it? How come there are medications for it? How come there is so much, yet so little, information on it? Postpartum is real. I don't think it was much of a big deal with Luke, but with Mila these past two weeks have been a real struggle.

One of my friends described it perfectly. I am putting her words in here because they helped me so much and maybe I'll be able to have the words for someone else later. Also, for those who might not understand… this is what it is like -

Having experienced what you are now going through, I know what a lonely place it can be. Almost 'out of body'. At least for me. It was like I was living it and watching myself (because it was not me) all at the same time. I am not sure if this is what you are experiencing. But know that I am here to listen. And not judge. Email or call and vent anytime. And I believe Aldo is a lot like C----. Keep the lines of communication open and he will be there for you. C---- said he felt helpless at times. I was so weepy and he hurt for me. And then I could just be angry. For no reason. But during that time, none of the normal things seemed to help. There is an end in sight. Childbirth reeks havoc on our hormones. But it may take time. And if you get to a point where you are just not feeling better, please talk with your Dr. There is no reason to suffer through this. Not when you can get help. It does not mean you are weak. Please know I am here for you! 

 And in another response -

More women go through this than are willing to admit. Society makes it seem like we are weak. Or there is something wrong with US. We have no control over this. Do they think we CHOOSE to feel this way? It feels awful. Then we feel guilty because we are not living in the bliss and joy we did the first time. It is such a roller coaster. (In response to a vent about Aldo irritating me and not knowing what to do)... Men can be very one dimensional. And yes, they need [things] spelled out. And yes you are right, it is hard when you don't even know yourself. Sometimes what was the best for me was just to be held for a long while; I am talking 5-15 minutes. Let me cry. Or hug me till the anger went away. Kind of like a small child throwing a tantrum because they feel out of control. No, I never threw a tantrum, but it sure would have felt good! But the human hug, touch and holding does so much to calm is. Even in anger. But you have to ask for it and then give into it. Close your eyes, breathe and focus on the touch and comfort. Because isn't that the bottom line? We feel out of control and we just want our human protector, out spouse, to comfort us and let us know they support us (even if they don't understand).